the month of november has been a blur.
i worked almost 24 hours in a weekend (between friday, saturday, and sunday).
i had two big exams on the same day the following week and spent monday, tuesday, and wednesday studying.
i had a good friend fly in the night of the two big exams and we played all weekend.
and then everything caught up to me, and i was couch-ridden for a few days last week (luckily it was a slow week because the last few weeks haven't been).
and now this weekend was pleasantly normal. with brunches, and trips to mall of america, and relaxing evenings with friends, with late mornings, and thoughtful salads, and now a long afternoon at canteen studying for my exam tomorrow on infectious diseases.
and: i find myself craving a real job. an 8-5, monday to friday job. a job that doesn't involve exams and homework. a job that doesn't overlap with my weekends, or at least has a consistent schedule.
when in reality, i'm really just looking forward to my new classes next semester. when i start taking epidemiology and infectious disease, and climate change and global health. when in reality, i'm nervous about the next week and thanksgiving and not going home and nim's anniversary and tumbleweed's anniversary and a lot of things i'm going to have to struggle through.
but there are sweet things too, things i'm incredibly thankful for - like packages from korea, and brownie waffles sent from michi to minne (thanks, aunt char!), and working full days at the coffee shop, and writing papers on things that interest me, and the prospect of having time to sending letters, and overcast days, windy days, cold days, days with snow!
happy week of thanks, all.
Sunday, November 22, 2015
Tuesday, November 3, 2015
changes
it's november. and my three month anniversary back in america. and today, i slowed down. and i think a lot of things hit me, overwhelmed me, and the weight of the upcoming week dawned on me. this last week was refreshing and full of understanding. a friend from korea was visiting his sister and made time for me four out of six days. and it was pleasant being reminded that i wasn't alone and that there were still people who understood me and korea and kimchi and the magic of mountains and exploring. i've been missing that - because i'm in a new place and school and people and everything is changing, and i've forgotten what it's like to slow down and talk about the two years in korea and traveling and seeing everything i could. i'd forgotten what it was like to look back instead of forward, to remember and reminisce, to stop planning for a bit and take time to look out the big windows and watch the rain (turned snow).
so i'm trying to savor things more. but also to be present, and to openly communicate, and to be honest. to not be afraid of what people might think of me, to always be myself, to be expressive, and to be lively and wild and hopeful.
to past and present change and being able to engage them both. to being open and free and willing. to showing up and being the best friend and person i can be.
so i'm trying to savor things more. but also to be present, and to openly communicate, and to be honest. to not be afraid of what people might think of me, to always be myself, to be expressive, and to be lively and wild and hopeful.
to past and present change and being able to engage them both. to being open and free and willing. to showing up and being the best friend and person i can be.
Friday, October 2, 2015
duluth mystical
duluth is my magic place. i've been three times since moving to minneapolis and it's been a treat every time. the first was when we were driving back from montana and stopped for the night to see superior and to pretend to be in michigan. the second was when uncle dave was here and we drove up to gooseberry falls for the day. and the third was last weekend, camping with kath in a dense fog warning. it was windy and foggy and a little chilly, but was a wonderful welcome into fall. we met mark at a cafe and ate chili and pizzas, wandered around for the afternoon, pitched our tent and walked some trails, ate dinner at the brewery, and sat around the fire drinking beer shrouded in fog and surrounded by nurses who welcomed us into their fold. that night we built our own fire and slept early and long, woke up to more fog, and wandered jay cooke state park with a wild river and winding paths through tall, tall trees. there's something about this place that reminds me of a home and a place of sanctuary and safety and relief.
a friend asked me over coffee last week to describe my experience in korea in one ten-word sentence. the only thing i could come up with was 'it was interesting' and that in itself can't explain it. it was wonderful, yet incredibly lonely. it was wild, and incredible, and i met some amazing people, but i almost always missed home. i missed the woods, and camping, and was thrown into cities and millions of people and empty mountains. i tried foods i'd never heard of and missed mac and cheese and mashed potatoes and thanksgiving foods. i explored corners and met locals and made good friends at school. i walked everywhere or rode trains or rode buses. i slept on floors, in piles, on blankets. in the woods, in hostels, in pensions, rarely in hotels. i climbed mountains and stared at oceans and touched trees. i found a wonderful part of myself there. i grew into my adventurous self there. i love what i learned there. so no ten-word sentence could ever capture the depth of my experience there, the things i saw, the things i learned, the things i gleaned.
it was interesting and that's only the beginning.
Thursday, September 17, 2015
#gradschool
i now have two weeks under my belt as a grad student in minnesota. i've been home from korea a little over a month. a lot has changed, not much has stayed the same. and i've kept myself busy. i'm worried about repatriation and adjusting again. i'm worried about getting into ruts and slowing down and running out of fuel. so for the last month i've been constantly moving.
i flew home and was up north to my lake as fast as i could be. i moved to minneapolis and jetted off to montana with marshall for a week. i had orientation and flew home for em's wedding in the backyard. we had our first week of classes and i headed to the woods for a weekend of crisis simulation. we've had another week and tomorrow, uncle david and mark come for a weekend of sportsing (twins and lions) and fall colors. i haven't stopped moving, and don't foresee doing so in the near future. and i'm not sure if it's a good or a bad thing.
i've read a lot of articles about moving home, returning stateside. i've read a lot of articles about missing things and people and lifestyles. i tried to prepare myself for the worst and for the best. so i think it's good that i'm in a new place with new people exploring new corners. but it's also hard, because i don't have people to rely on or old friends who know me well. there's always a reason to keep moving here.
but minnesota and grad school have been what i've needed. i needed the structure of classes and studying. i've needed the benefit of riding my bike to school most days. i've needed to go out of my comfortable box to befriend people. i've had to reroute and explore more. i've had to walk longer and accidentally get off bus stops too early. i've had to take the bus to the train to the plane for a weekend home. i've had to ask people for help and feel silly when i wander around lost.
as for classes, i've had biostats, and epi methods, and pathophysiology. we discuss issues in environmental and occupational health. i've attended global health seminars and have infectious disease socials penciled into my calendar.
this past weekend i participated in a humanitarian relief crisis simulation. we were in the woods of cannon falls on various ngo teams assessing needs and evaluating what could be fulfilled and asking for donations for future projects. it was a stretching weekend, a weekend of growth and learning and discomfort. it was a wild combination of stress, anxiety, excitement, understanding, and appreciation - just what i imagine a real-world criss situation would look like. i gained insight into the world of situation flow, leadership, cooperation, and working alongside strangers-turned-team in a constantly-changing environment. i am excited to now have an informational foundation for my pursuit of humanitarianism, and to have gleaned mountains of learning and growth from this course and to have one graduate credit under my belt. we networked with the cdc and the red cross and doctors without borders and the refugee committee, and we worked together to solve an incredible problem.
i recently took up rock-climbing. recently, as in i've gone twice and haven't made it to the top yet. but there have been improvements and friendships and community made at the rec center. people who encourage and uplift and motivate me to push myself out of my comfort zone on the bouldering wall. allowing me to be afraid to fall, but to fall anyway. and after sore arms begin to heal, i'm ready to try again.
and i think this is a reflection of my experience here in mn so far. i've been stretched and pulled and molded, again. i've been uncomfortable and unsettled. i've been surrounded by english speakers and still struggle to communicate and find commonalities. i don't have to fend for myself as often, but i do find myself relying on others more than i would like. i've been overwhelmed by the number of tomato soup options at the grocery store and the surplus of fresh vegetables and fruit (so much so, that i keep overbuying and can't eat them all). i've uprooted myself from the things that were comfortable in korea and in michigan and i've moved myself to a new spot, a new place to call home, a new corner to explore. i'm starting to form my fledgling roots here in this place with my avocado plant (who is still alive). so the initial painful shedding of excess and of the old comes again, as it always does when i'm uprooted. there's a bit of soreness in the exploring and wondering, because i know that somewhere else i could be comfortable and safe and stable.
so here's to the next few weeks: of reaching the top of the purple path on the bouldering wall, trying all the bus routes successfully and unsuccessfully, meeting new people every day, being uncomfortable, meeting wonderful people and making wonderful friends, and riding my bike three out of four school days a week.
i flew home and was up north to my lake as fast as i could be. i moved to minneapolis and jetted off to montana with marshall for a week. i had orientation and flew home for em's wedding in the backyard. we had our first week of classes and i headed to the woods for a weekend of crisis simulation. we've had another week and tomorrow, uncle david and mark come for a weekend of sportsing (twins and lions) and fall colors. i haven't stopped moving, and don't foresee doing so in the near future. and i'm not sure if it's a good or a bad thing.
i've read a lot of articles about moving home, returning stateside. i've read a lot of articles about missing things and people and lifestyles. i tried to prepare myself for the worst and for the best. so i think it's good that i'm in a new place with new people exploring new corners. but it's also hard, because i don't have people to rely on or old friends who know me well. there's always a reason to keep moving here.
but minnesota and grad school have been what i've needed. i needed the structure of classes and studying. i've needed the benefit of riding my bike to school most days. i've needed to go out of my comfortable box to befriend people. i've had to reroute and explore more. i've had to walk longer and accidentally get off bus stops too early. i've had to take the bus to the train to the plane for a weekend home. i've had to ask people for help and feel silly when i wander around lost.
as for classes, i've had biostats, and epi methods, and pathophysiology. we discuss issues in environmental and occupational health. i've attended global health seminars and have infectious disease socials penciled into my calendar.
this past weekend i participated in a humanitarian relief crisis simulation. we were in the woods of cannon falls on various ngo teams assessing needs and evaluating what could be fulfilled and asking for donations for future projects. it was a stretching weekend, a weekend of growth and learning and discomfort. it was a wild combination of stress, anxiety, excitement, understanding, and appreciation - just what i imagine a real-world criss situation would look like. i gained insight into the world of situation flow, leadership, cooperation, and working alongside strangers-turned-team in a constantly-changing environment. i am excited to now have an informational foundation for my pursuit of humanitarianism, and to have gleaned mountains of learning and growth from this course and to have one graduate credit under my belt. we networked with the cdc and the red cross and doctors without borders and the refugee committee, and we worked together to solve an incredible problem.
i recently took up rock-climbing. recently, as in i've gone twice and haven't made it to the top yet. but there have been improvements and friendships and community made at the rec center. people who encourage and uplift and motivate me to push myself out of my comfort zone on the bouldering wall. allowing me to be afraid to fall, but to fall anyway. and after sore arms begin to heal, i'm ready to try again.
and i think this is a reflection of my experience here in mn so far. i've been stretched and pulled and molded, again. i've been uncomfortable and unsettled. i've been surrounded by english speakers and still struggle to communicate and find commonalities. i don't have to fend for myself as often, but i do find myself relying on others more than i would like. i've been overwhelmed by the number of tomato soup options at the grocery store and the surplus of fresh vegetables and fruit (so much so, that i keep overbuying and can't eat them all). i've uprooted myself from the things that were comfortable in korea and in michigan and i've moved myself to a new spot, a new place to call home, a new corner to explore. i'm starting to form my fledgling roots here in this place with my avocado plant (who is still alive). so the initial painful shedding of excess and of the old comes again, as it always does when i'm uprooted. there's a bit of soreness in the exploring and wondering, because i know that somewhere else i could be comfortable and safe and stable.
so here's to the next few weeks: of reaching the top of the purple path on the bouldering wall, trying all the bus routes successfully and unsuccessfully, meeting new people every day, being uncomfortable, meeting wonderful people and making wonderful friends, and riding my bike three out of four school days a week.
Thursday, August 20, 2015
minneapolis
from michi to minne.
i've now spent two nights in my new apartment in the middle of uptown minneapolis (specifically the lynlake neighborhood).
i spent a blissful two weeks at home: full of time spent up north on the lake and at home watching ncis and running errands and sorting everything and dropping off a lot of unnecessary stuff at the salvation army and making tshirt rugs and planning for the future and getting biggby caramel iced coffees every. day.
monday, we started driving at 8am and instead of going through chicago, we decided to drive to the UP. it was a caravan of the monster moving truck and the tiny mini cooper. we listened to podcasts and 7 habits of highly effective people and my chill music. we drove all around lake michigan, through forests and small towns, stopping at picnic tables for snacks.
we arrived to a rainy tuesday minneapolis morning. we parked the moving truck in the alley behind the apartment and carried loads through the exterior door in my bedroom (eek!). we dismantled the heavy sleeper sofa and dad and i carried it up the back steps and stuffed it through small, old doorways. and i got settled and nested quickly.
erin came at 10pm that night after my parents left and after we had a picnic lunch from the midtown global market on the floor of my table-less apartment with my new housemate, gabriela.
erin and i talked to the wee hours then crashed and slept in because we were both on vacation in a new city. we started the morning at urban bean coffee down the street and then walked around the neighborhood looking at cute yoga studios and cafes. then we drove downtown to target and ended up at target field. she helped me pick up things for the apartment before going to the midtown global market to see its cool-ness. then we relaxed at the apartment before eating at galactic pizza. we ended the night at the lynlake brewery listening to live music with g.
this morning, we tried the coffee shop across the street - dunn bros and then rode bikes 20 miles - to lake calhoun, to the new vikings stadium downtown, across the mississippi river to campus, and back along the midtown greenway - i can get almost everywhere via bike paths, it's really nice. we went grocery shopping for veggies at cub down the street and now that they're organized in the fridge, erin left and is on her way to chicago. lucky me that i had a friend to share my bed and explore with me in my new city! i'll post pictures soon. this place is already wonderful.
hello, minneapolis.
i've now spent two nights in my new apartment in the middle of uptown minneapolis (specifically the lynlake neighborhood).
i spent a blissful two weeks at home: full of time spent up north on the lake and at home watching ncis and running errands and sorting everything and dropping off a lot of unnecessary stuff at the salvation army and making tshirt rugs and planning for the future and getting biggby caramel iced coffees every. day.
monday, we started driving at 8am and instead of going through chicago, we decided to drive to the UP. it was a caravan of the monster moving truck and the tiny mini cooper. we listened to podcasts and 7 habits of highly effective people and my chill music. we drove all around lake michigan, through forests and small towns, stopping at picnic tables for snacks.
we arrived to a rainy tuesday minneapolis morning. we parked the moving truck in the alley behind the apartment and carried loads through the exterior door in my bedroom (eek!). we dismantled the heavy sleeper sofa and dad and i carried it up the back steps and stuffed it through small, old doorways. and i got settled and nested quickly.
erin came at 10pm that night after my parents left and after we had a picnic lunch from the midtown global market on the floor of my table-less apartment with my new housemate, gabriela.
erin and i talked to the wee hours then crashed and slept in because we were both on vacation in a new city. we started the morning at urban bean coffee down the street and then walked around the neighborhood looking at cute yoga studios and cafes. then we drove downtown to target and ended up at target field. she helped me pick up things for the apartment before going to the midtown global market to see its cool-ness. then we relaxed at the apartment before eating at galactic pizza. we ended the night at the lynlake brewery listening to live music with g.
this morning, we tried the coffee shop across the street - dunn bros and then rode bikes 20 miles - to lake calhoun, to the new vikings stadium downtown, across the mississippi river to campus, and back along the midtown greenway - i can get almost everywhere via bike paths, it's really nice. we went grocery shopping for veggies at cub down the street and now that they're organized in the fridge, erin left and is on her way to chicago. lucky me that i had a friend to share my bed and explore with me in my new city! i'll post pictures soon. this place is already wonderful.
hello, minneapolis.
Tuesday, July 21, 2015
goodbyes are hard
today was my last day of classes with my gregarious third graders. we danced and played games and at the end, i told them it was our last class and they got sad and asked if the next teacher would play games and be as fun as i was (i was flattered, of course). we took pictures together, and they got out their phones for selfies, and i gave them my email (still waiting for the first), and they asked if they could fit in my suitcase, and i made them promise to visit me in america.
they wished me well in korean, told me to keep my health and be happy. i told them to travel and to explore. it was one giant group hug. (and when i saw them at lunch, they asked me why i was still in korea). even though we had ups and downs, they were some of the most joyful learners and creative adventurers.
it's the beginning of missing them and their cute little faces.
Monday, July 20, 2015
this is the end
there are very few days between now and when i'll take the bus to the airport to fly home. there is only one more monday after today, playing with the kids and crossing language barriers. there are very few days left of kimchi, hot soups in the summer, humidity that makes my hair absolutely wild, being called a foreigner, and trips on the train to seoul. this is the end. the end of my time living in korea. the end of my time climbing these lush mountains and smelling the salty seas. the end of traipsing through rice paddies that are wonderfully green. the end of having misunderstandings and miscommunications every day. the end of being the only blondish brown in school. the end of this little apartment with my treadmill and pink bathroom and no counter space. the end of teaching english to my little nuggets. the end of quite an adventure.
there are many things i'll miss. many i won't. but this place has been so good to me. so good for me. this place has stretched and smoothed and roughed up and changed me. i've gotten stronger and bolder and wilder. i've grown into myself, i think. i've been forced to be alone, a lot. i've been forced to be uncomfortable, to feel unsteady, to stay connected, to turn to nature. i've climbed a lot of things, seen far and wide, tasted everything under the moon (and some i will never ever taste again). i've tried silkworm larva and tentacles and sea creatures. i've enjoyed radish and kimchi and seaweed soups.
but i'm ready for a change, and i've been ready for a few months now. but these months of readiness have been good, too. they've helped me detach and part ways with things. i'm not being ripped from this place, i'm slowly digging out each root carefully and painstakingly. i started saying goodbye a long time again. probably around the end of february, when the last semester was starting and everything was changing. when i started trying frisbee, and running races, and making more effort to go places. i'm mostly packed now, a lot of my things are in my suitcase. my walls that were once full of quotes and pictures and tapestries are now bare (as bare as korean wallpaper can be). there isn't much left to fit into the small spaces that remain.
the next month: soon, i'll move home, just to move away again. this time to minnesota to start school again. for a while, i was worried about repatriation and reading every article i could get my hands on. i was worried about coming back changed and finding things hadn't (or had) changed as well. i was worried about not being able to relate, and people not trying to relate to me (or not being able to). i was worried that i'd be overwhelmed by it all. and i was, when i went home in june. i was eavesdropping on everyone, and i couldn't choose a tomato soup from the many, many options in meijer. i was overwhelmed by people understanding me, but not understanding my experiences. not knowing what i'd seen, or what i'd eaten. so i'm throwing myself into a new thing: public health school. in a new city, in a new state. i think it'll be good for me to not stop moving, because if i stop or slow down too much, i think i'll worry, and stress, and overthink things. the transition wouldn't be smooth.
moving to: the bike paths of mpls, the lakes around my apartment, the brewery down the street, the outdoor concerts, the fresh air, the hours of studying, finding nooks and crannies that feel comfortable, exploring something unknown again, to ride public transportation and commute on green paths, see old friends and make new. and welcome people into my new place.
there are many things i'll miss. many i won't. but this place has been so good to me. so good for me. this place has stretched and smoothed and roughed up and changed me. i've gotten stronger and bolder and wilder. i've grown into myself, i think. i've been forced to be alone, a lot. i've been forced to be uncomfortable, to feel unsteady, to stay connected, to turn to nature. i've climbed a lot of things, seen far and wide, tasted everything under the moon (and some i will never ever taste again). i've tried silkworm larva and tentacles and sea creatures. i've enjoyed radish and kimchi and seaweed soups.
but i'm ready for a change, and i've been ready for a few months now. but these months of readiness have been good, too. they've helped me detach and part ways with things. i'm not being ripped from this place, i'm slowly digging out each root carefully and painstakingly. i started saying goodbye a long time again. probably around the end of february, when the last semester was starting and everything was changing. when i started trying frisbee, and running races, and making more effort to go places. i'm mostly packed now, a lot of my things are in my suitcase. my walls that were once full of quotes and pictures and tapestries are now bare (as bare as korean wallpaper can be). there isn't much left to fit into the small spaces that remain.
the next month: soon, i'll move home, just to move away again. this time to minnesota to start school again. for a while, i was worried about repatriation and reading every article i could get my hands on. i was worried about coming back changed and finding things hadn't (or had) changed as well. i was worried about not being able to relate, and people not trying to relate to me (or not being able to). i was worried that i'd be overwhelmed by it all. and i was, when i went home in june. i was eavesdropping on everyone, and i couldn't choose a tomato soup from the many, many options in meijer. i was overwhelmed by people understanding me, but not understanding my experiences. not knowing what i'd seen, or what i'd eaten. so i'm throwing myself into a new thing: public health school. in a new city, in a new state. i think it'll be good for me to not stop moving, because if i stop or slow down too much, i think i'll worry, and stress, and overthink things. the transition wouldn't be smooth.
moving to: the bike paths of mpls, the lakes around my apartment, the brewery down the street, the outdoor concerts, the fresh air, the hours of studying, finding nooks and crannies that feel comfortable, exploring something unknown again, to ride public transportation and commute on green paths, see old friends and make new. and welcome people into my new place.
Thursday, June 25, 2015
michigan
from june 12 to 23 i was fortunate to make a return stateside for the first time in a year and a half. the occasion for this brief jaunt to the homeland was for the union of my beloved erika and bob. i was actually a little nervous during the days preceding the trip home: there was a mers outbreak in korea, i thought i might miss my early flight, i was going to be in an english speaking country, i was going to be surrounded by people i loved and hadn't seen in far too long.
i slept at jodi's the night before my flight and we went to see jurassic world. i woke up early and caught the bullet train to the airport and without issue, made it to my flight on time. the flight was 12 hours too long, squished between the window and a muscular army guy. i didn't sleep much and between the brief sleepy stints i watched john oliver, and unbroken, and downton abbey, and tried to rest as much as possible. i had a short layover in detroit before catching my connection to chicago. the short flight was made even sweeter by the lovely merna who sat next to me.
i landed in chicago midway to two great friends: diana and morgan driving in circles waiting for me with a bright sign and a too-big picture of my face. i was so excited i couldn't cry. they drove me to downtown and took me to a fantastic pizza place with pitchers of oberon, to coffee shops we stumbled into for energy, to their favorite green parks. i saw their apartments and snippets of their lives there. we drank craft beers and danced to music and ate popcorn. we were joined by a few others and MON and went to a bar for some social time and ridiculous dancing to acoustic versions of shut up and dance.
the next morning, i woke up (too) early to catch my bus to grand rapids. diana dropped me off and shortly afterwards i figured out i had gotten the ticket for the wrong day and i was stuck in downtown without a phone and without any idea of where diana lived. i managed to turn on my korean phone and diana returned to rescue me. (so early, bless her soul). because the next train and bus didn't leave until the evening and i was in a rush to get to gr for the bachelorette party, my awesome friends arranged to meet in the middle. darling diana drove me to sawyer, mi where darling morgan picked me up off the curb. God bless gooooood good friends. seriously. i could cry right now thinking about how great they are.
we made it to brunch only a few minutes late and were greeted at marie catrib's by the whole bach crew. it was so good to see everyone, to hug the bride, to eat a blt, and to laugh together. then i got biggby, which was another glorious reunion. and finally, we drove up north to the lake house to get ready for the evening's festivities. we wore black and had flower crowns and the bride looked dazzling in her white daisies. dad acted as chauffeur and drove us to the new brewery in suttons bay and on into dinner in traverse city. after dinner, we wandered from bar to bar, collecting friends and strangers. we saw katy and ate hot dogs in the rain before heading back home.
sunday was slow and peaceful and sweet. we had breakfast at the 45th parallel and spent some time lakeside in the shallows. we saw big fish and tried out the paddle board and spent a sunny afternoon doing lake things i loved. dad drove me home that evening to see mom (and even let me stop at a rest area).
monday, i got shots at the doctor, and saw aunt carolyn, and ate mediterranean, and made a trip to eddie bauer, met aunt char, and dined on fresh veggies. tuesday was beauty day and ethiopian. and i got my eyebrows done, my hair cut and colored, and rode my bike over to biggby to meet erin (because we both didn't have cars). wednesday, we ran errands, and went to world market, and met the walko's for dinner at sansu. thursday, we celebrated grandpa's birthday and i drove to holland to see dr. barney and mrs. barney and anne before venturing to grand rapids and erika to help with wedding things. friday, i drove into the city and met briggitta before getting nails done with the girls and going to the rehearsal dinner. emily and i drove the astro van around construction and through holland and bonded over being late and long trains. saturday was WEDDING day and we woke early to drive to camp geneva to get our hair done leisurely and to soak in the day. the bride looked radiant and was shining and i couldn't help but cry over how beautiful she was and how happy bob looked. it was truly a day of celebration. sunday, we brunched with cousins and i met little lucia in detroit and i began packing again. and monday, the last day in michi, mom drove me to detroit where i lunched with aunt char before slowly getting to the airport for my long flight.
beautiful moments:
thank God for special days with my home team and tribe, for days spent on sunny lakes and in cool water, for days exploring this beautiful green earth, for time invested, for time well spent, for catching up, for long hugs and big smiles, for airport greetings and airport send offs, for road trips and covering ground, for seeing all of michigan, for great lakes, for biggby coffee, for biking, for cozy beds and parents houses, for yards and grass, for green things growing, for rainy days too, for trips home, for years passing, for tears of joy, for standing by someone in their marriage, for celebrating life, for big cities and woods and mountains and lakes, for new adventures and feeling comfortable, for experiences.
but most importantly, for reunions that bring tears and shouts and laughter, feelings that can't be put into words, and hugs that last forever.
i slept at jodi's the night before my flight and we went to see jurassic world. i woke up early and caught the bullet train to the airport and without issue, made it to my flight on time. the flight was 12 hours too long, squished between the window and a muscular army guy. i didn't sleep much and between the brief sleepy stints i watched john oliver, and unbroken, and downton abbey, and tried to rest as much as possible. i had a short layover in detroit before catching my connection to chicago. the short flight was made even sweeter by the lovely merna who sat next to me.
i landed in chicago midway to two great friends: diana and morgan driving in circles waiting for me with a bright sign and a too-big picture of my face. i was so excited i couldn't cry. they drove me to downtown and took me to a fantastic pizza place with pitchers of oberon, to coffee shops we stumbled into for energy, to their favorite green parks. i saw their apartments and snippets of their lives there. we drank craft beers and danced to music and ate popcorn. we were joined by a few others and MON and went to a bar for some social time and ridiculous dancing to acoustic versions of shut up and dance.
the next morning, i woke up (too) early to catch my bus to grand rapids. diana dropped me off and shortly afterwards i figured out i had gotten the ticket for the wrong day and i was stuck in downtown without a phone and without any idea of where diana lived. i managed to turn on my korean phone and diana returned to rescue me. (so early, bless her soul). because the next train and bus didn't leave until the evening and i was in a rush to get to gr for the bachelorette party, my awesome friends arranged to meet in the middle. darling diana drove me to sawyer, mi where darling morgan picked me up off the curb. God bless gooooood good friends. seriously. i could cry right now thinking about how great they are.
we made it to brunch only a few minutes late and were greeted at marie catrib's by the whole bach crew. it was so good to see everyone, to hug the bride, to eat a blt, and to laugh together. then i got biggby, which was another glorious reunion. and finally, we drove up north to the lake house to get ready for the evening's festivities. we wore black and had flower crowns and the bride looked dazzling in her white daisies. dad acted as chauffeur and drove us to the new brewery in suttons bay and on into dinner in traverse city. after dinner, we wandered from bar to bar, collecting friends and strangers. we saw katy and ate hot dogs in the rain before heading back home.
sunday was slow and peaceful and sweet. we had breakfast at the 45th parallel and spent some time lakeside in the shallows. we saw big fish and tried out the paddle board and spent a sunny afternoon doing lake things i loved. dad drove me home that evening to see mom (and even let me stop at a rest area).
monday, i got shots at the doctor, and saw aunt carolyn, and ate mediterranean, and made a trip to eddie bauer, met aunt char, and dined on fresh veggies. tuesday was beauty day and ethiopian. and i got my eyebrows done, my hair cut and colored, and rode my bike over to biggby to meet erin (because we both didn't have cars). wednesday, we ran errands, and went to world market, and met the walko's for dinner at sansu. thursday, we celebrated grandpa's birthday and i drove to holland to see dr. barney and mrs. barney and anne before venturing to grand rapids and erika to help with wedding things. friday, i drove into the city and met briggitta before getting nails done with the girls and going to the rehearsal dinner. emily and i drove the astro van around construction and through holland and bonded over being late and long trains. saturday was WEDDING day and we woke early to drive to camp geneva to get our hair done leisurely and to soak in the day. the bride looked radiant and was shining and i couldn't help but cry over how beautiful she was and how happy bob looked. it was truly a day of celebration. sunday, we brunched with cousins and i met little lucia in detroit and i began packing again. and monday, the last day in michi, mom drove me to detroit where i lunched with aunt char before slowly getting to the airport for my long flight.
beautiful moments:
thank God for special days with my home team and tribe, for days spent on sunny lakes and in cool water, for days exploring this beautiful green earth, for time invested, for time well spent, for catching up, for long hugs and big smiles, for airport greetings and airport send offs, for road trips and covering ground, for seeing all of michigan, for great lakes, for biggby coffee, for biking, for cozy beds and parents houses, for yards and grass, for green things growing, for rainy days too, for trips home, for years passing, for tears of joy, for standing by someone in their marriage, for celebrating life, for big cities and woods and mountains and lakes, for new adventures and feeling comfortable, for experiences.
but most importantly, for reunions that bring tears and shouts and laughter, feelings that can't be put into words, and hugs that last forever.
Wednesday, May 6, 2015
triangles
living as a triangle. triangles are my favorite shape. and recently, i read an article in the wall street journal about the struggle with the "dark side of coming home" and "repatriation blues." right now: my thoughts of home are golden and fuzzy. everything is full of sun beams and frolics through my old haunts. but in the back of my mind, i'm worried about coming home. expecting everything to be the same, and having everything be different: especially myself.
in this article, i was first introduced to naomi hattaway who wrote a blog called "i am a triangle" and has since made a facebook group of which i am a small, small part (really, a fly on the wall: reading stories of other expats (read: immigrants) roving the world in search of their home again).
but i found her thoughts so fascinating: she compares us to evolving shapes. we begin as circles in our circle country with other circle beings, constantly doing circle things. something inspires us to move and change and we fly to a square country with other square beings, constantly doing square things. and we being to adjust. our rounded edges become sharper. we adjust. we start speaking the language, and doing what they do. we adjust. we assimilate (maybe not in appearance), but in actions and way of doing things. to the point where we become sharper and eventually a triangle. a mix of the two. we'll never be a square, because we were once a circle. but never again will we be a circle, with rounded edges and rounded ways. forever, we will be this triangle that doesn't quite fit in either space or country.
and i'm not the only one, of course. there are many of us: these triangles. we flit about from country to space to place. gleaning good things and bad from everywhere we land. enter, one of my favorite words: variegated. i love this word. it means "exhibiting different colors, especially as irregular patches or streaks" or "marked by variety." i like how it sounds, and how it's spelled, and especially what it means. it means something beautiful, composed of many different (very different) parts. making one unique, magnificent, remarkable whole. now, i am variegated. now, i am triangular. i am shapes and words i never thought i would use to describe myself. but i'm excited to start. and to explore this adventure of "coming home" and defining home for myself. because what is home? is it the certain plot of land? or the people you call your tribe? or the place where you blend in? or the place you feel uncomfortable?
home: the place where hugs are sweeter and longer and coffee flows freely and smoothly and it's always autumn on the lake with bonfires burning brightly. here: laughter and joy reign.
in this article, i was first introduced to naomi hattaway who wrote a blog called "i am a triangle" and has since made a facebook group of which i am a small, small part (really, a fly on the wall: reading stories of other expats (read: immigrants) roving the world in search of their home again).
but i found her thoughts so fascinating: she compares us to evolving shapes. we begin as circles in our circle country with other circle beings, constantly doing circle things. something inspires us to move and change and we fly to a square country with other square beings, constantly doing square things. and we being to adjust. our rounded edges become sharper. we adjust. we start speaking the language, and doing what they do. we adjust. we assimilate (maybe not in appearance), but in actions and way of doing things. to the point where we become sharper and eventually a triangle. a mix of the two. we'll never be a square, because we were once a circle. but never again will we be a circle, with rounded edges and rounded ways. forever, we will be this triangle that doesn't quite fit in either space or country.
and i'm not the only one, of course. there are many of us: these triangles. we flit about from country to space to place. gleaning good things and bad from everywhere we land. enter, one of my favorite words: variegated. i love this word. it means "exhibiting different colors, especially as irregular patches or streaks" or "marked by variety." i like how it sounds, and how it's spelled, and especially what it means. it means something beautiful, composed of many different (very different) parts. making one unique, magnificent, remarkable whole. now, i am variegated. now, i am triangular. i am shapes and words i never thought i would use to describe myself. but i'm excited to start. and to explore this adventure of "coming home" and defining home for myself. because what is home? is it the certain plot of land? or the people you call your tribe? or the place where you blend in? or the place you feel uncomfortable?
home: the place where hugs are sweeter and longer and coffee flows freely and smoothly and it's always autumn on the lake with bonfires burning brightly. here: laughter and joy reign.
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
seven days without milk
a week ago, i skyped my mother and she had two very interesting insights (out of many): brew coffee at night and put it in the fridge and it magically becomes iced coffee in the morning, and to refrain from drinking milk every day (lattes, i tell ya). there were many reasons i needed to experiment with this. lately, i haven't felt 100%. merely 65% or even, dare i say, lower. i haven't felt great, i've been moody, temperamental, not as joyful. and right now, i'm sick.
i also decided to give up bagels each morning, because they weren't as healthy as i was imagining they were.
and sunday, i watched the documentary "fed up" and decided to steer away from soda and sugar (as much as i can).
and so begins an experiment: without milk, bagels, soda, and sugar. guiding in the direction of whole fruits and veggies, and things i can blend or mix (because i'm still not touching my stove top).
today: i felt more energetic, joyful, happy even. i sang, i danced around, the angry adjummas couldn't bring me down. it was an impossibly perfect and beautiful and sunshiney tuesday. i don't completely chalk it up to this lack of milk in my life (man oh man do i miss it and the lattes that go along with it). but i think it affects my body negatively in overconsumption and i must learn, again, to consume it in moderation.
while i trek through this experiment, i'm continuing to build mileage for the 15k coming up in may and for ultimate frisbee each weekend. i'm toying with the idea of running the twin cities marathon in october (anyone with me?) and mentally checking routes between potential apartments and school.
in this battle with and against my mind and body, i fight for consistency, muscles, confidence, and assuredness.
i also decided to give up bagels each morning, because they weren't as healthy as i was imagining they were.
and sunday, i watched the documentary "fed up" and decided to steer away from soda and sugar (as much as i can).
and so begins an experiment: without milk, bagels, soda, and sugar. guiding in the direction of whole fruits and veggies, and things i can blend or mix (because i'm still not touching my stove top).
today: i felt more energetic, joyful, happy even. i sang, i danced around, the angry adjummas couldn't bring me down. it was an impossibly perfect and beautiful and sunshiney tuesday. i don't completely chalk it up to this lack of milk in my life (man oh man do i miss it and the lattes that go along with it). but i think it affects my body negatively in overconsumption and i must learn, again, to consume it in moderation.
while i trek through this experiment, i'm continuing to build mileage for the 15k coming up in may and for ultimate frisbee each weekend. i'm toying with the idea of running the twin cities marathon in october (anyone with me?) and mentally checking routes between potential apartments and school.
in this battle with and against my mind and body, i fight for consistency, muscles, confidence, and assuredness.
Sunday, April 19, 2015
tired
this weekend was more exhausting than most. i played three out of four frisbee games in cheonan, then trekked up to seoul for the hillsong united concert. it was nonstop movement, to the point of falling asleep on the bus, but i will cherish it.
saturday, we had our first games of the weekend, we lost both (that's four now). that night we had a hug party with all the other teams at our team sponsor, cantina. lots of hugs and team loving. sunday, we had a rainy game at 12 and we beat the gwangju uprising! i had to leave before the last game against seoul train, but from the messages i got: we won in universe point ! this is the equivalent of sudden death. go cheonan cheonwons!
we got the 2:10 bus to the express bus terminal, hung out in a coffee shop, and took the subway to olympic park for the concert. the night of worship began and as a community from many nations, we recited the apostles creed in korean and english and sang as one. it was an incredible experience. people were dancing, people were singing, people were rejoicing together.
this is my favorite hillsong united song:
so this weekend was full, but fulfilling. filled with all good things. things with teammates, things with strangers, always surrounded. something i needed. to be surrounded by people hugging and dancing, joyful and exuberant. as i start shipping things home, looking for a one-way ticket to america, planning suitcase travels, preparing. it's important to be present with those around me, too. to be involved, to be steady in this time of upheaval. to not rush through these last months in this special country with these dear friends. as much as i'm looking forward to being back home, or at least close to home, and close to my tribe and home team, i'm beginning to realize i will have to say goodbye to things here. goodbye to the mountains, the busy-ness, the hoards of kimchi, the subway system, slowly i will have to start cutting ties and weaning myself from korea. transition is a weird thing. a thing that is both bitter and sweet. so for now: i will cherish the experiences i have each weekend, with my team and my friends here. i will look for the good in everything, the bits that make it special. i will slowly start developing a future in grad school in minnesota. i will eventually book tickets. i will eventually ship and pack everything. eventually i will be gone again. to somewhere new. your grace abounds in deepest waters, lord.
spirit lead me where my trust is without borders.
saturday, we had our first games of the weekend, we lost both (that's four now). that night we had a hug party with all the other teams at our team sponsor, cantina. lots of hugs and team loving. sunday, we had a rainy game at 12 and we beat the gwangju uprising! i had to leave before the last game against seoul train, but from the messages i got: we won in universe point ! this is the equivalent of sudden death. go cheonan cheonwons!
we got the 2:10 bus to the express bus terminal, hung out in a coffee shop, and took the subway to olympic park for the concert. the night of worship began and as a community from many nations, we recited the apostles creed in korean and english and sang as one. it was an incredible experience. people were dancing, people were singing, people were rejoicing together.
this is my favorite hillsong united song:
so this weekend was full, but fulfilling. filled with all good things. things with teammates, things with strangers, always surrounded. something i needed. to be surrounded by people hugging and dancing, joyful and exuberant. as i start shipping things home, looking for a one-way ticket to america, planning suitcase travels, preparing. it's important to be present with those around me, too. to be involved, to be steady in this time of upheaval. to not rush through these last months in this special country with these dear friends. as much as i'm looking forward to being back home, or at least close to home, and close to my tribe and home team, i'm beginning to realize i will have to say goodbye to things here. goodbye to the mountains, the busy-ness, the hoards of kimchi, the subway system, slowly i will have to start cutting ties and weaning myself from korea. transition is a weird thing. a thing that is both bitter and sweet. so for now: i will cherish the experiences i have each weekend, with my team and my friends here. i will look for the good in everything, the bits that make it special. i will slowly start developing a future in grad school in minnesota. i will eventually book tickets. i will eventually ship and pack everything. eventually i will be gone again. to somewhere new. your grace abounds in deepest waters, lord.
spirit lead me where my trust is without borders.
Tuesday, April 14, 2015
things lately
things that have happened in the last two weeks:
1. i played in my first volleyball game against another school. they get rather competitive. i had to wear my special gym clothes and i was assigned a position. the ladies and i won the first two games and bested the opposition. but the co-eds lost and according to korean custom, it's not who wins the most, but who wins last that is actually the winner. i beg to differ.
2. i had my first two ultimate frisbee games on sunday in daejeon with my team, the cheonan cheonwons. it was the first time playing together as a team, and most of us have never played before (we're also ranked the lowest in all of korea based on skill-level). we lost, both. the first one by a lot, the second by a little. in the second game, i almost caught a hail-mary touchdown? point? i don't know what to call it? but the frisbee came in at a weird angle and hit me instead. next time, next time. it was a learning experience, and i hope i can apply my new skills in our four games this weekend!
3. my parents went to a foreign country without telling me (who do i call in case of emergency?).
4. student funnies: i was teaching my fifth grade students about punctuation. they cannot remember the name of the "exclamation point" and instead call it the "escalator potato," i let it slide. and today, we were hearing a story about shakespeare, and i asked if anyone knew his whole name: a student tried to read the korean-ization of his name in their books and ended up with "alien shakespeare."
5. a favorite writer recently -
1. i played in my first volleyball game against another school. they get rather competitive. i had to wear my special gym clothes and i was assigned a position. the ladies and i won the first two games and bested the opposition. but the co-eds lost and according to korean custom, it's not who wins the most, but who wins last that is actually the winner. i beg to differ.
2. i had my first two ultimate frisbee games on sunday in daejeon with my team, the cheonan cheonwons. it was the first time playing together as a team, and most of us have never played before (we're also ranked the lowest in all of korea based on skill-level). we lost, both. the first one by a lot, the second by a little. in the second game, i almost caught a hail-mary touchdown? point? i don't know what to call it? but the frisbee came in at a weird angle and hit me instead. next time, next time. it was a learning experience, and i hope i can apply my new skills in our four games this weekend!
3. my parents went to a foreign country without telling me (who do i call in case of emergency?).
4. student funnies: i was teaching my fifth grade students about punctuation. they cannot remember the name of the "exclamation point" and instead call it the "escalator potato," i let it slide. and today, we were hearing a story about shakespeare, and i asked if anyone knew his whole name: a student tried to read the korean-ization of his name in their books and ended up with "alien shakespeare."
5. a favorite writer recently -
Sunday, April 5, 2015
easter
He is Risen.
Easter: rebirth, renewal, resurrection - an opportunity to soften, to shed our skin, to blossom, and to grow.
1 Corinthians 15 - 12 But if it is preached that Christ has been raised from the dead, how can some of you say that there is no resurrection of the dead? 13 If there is no resurrection of the dead, then not even Christ has been raised. 14 And if Christ has not been raised, our preaching is useless and so is your faith. 15 More than that, we are then found to be false witnesses about God, for we have testified about God that he raised Christ from the dead. But he did not raise him if in fact the dead are not raised. 16 For if the dead are not raised, then Christ has not been raised either. 17 And if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile; you are still in your sins. 18 Then those also who have fallen asleep in Christ are lost. 19 If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are of all people most to be pitied.
my easter was peaceful and relaxed. i spent it alone, in the calm of my apartment. i watched march madness and andy stanley videos from past easters on the essential-ness of the resurrection with the faith, how we can't cherry-pick from the new testament when the storytellers are telling the whole story, and how the renewal of spring is the center of the testimony.
it was lightly raining outside, the skies were grey, but calming. i lit incense and candles, i brewed lake michigan coffee in my french press, i finished books i had checked out from the library months ago. i did puzzles and listened to bethel, hillsong, and rend collective. i ate green olives and avocados (green for rebirth and new life). i sipped slowly and intentionally. i ate slowly and intentionally. i let my thoughts wander from light shining in darkness to flowers blooming outside on the trees. from how this wasn't my ideal easter sunday, but how maybe it was what my heart and soul needed. time alone, this rejuvenation and growth from within and with the Lord. from thoughts of the future months, to dwelling on the past. to recognizing the growth of the present moment. i've become quite content alone with myself and my whirling thoughts.
i hope this is the only easter i spend this way. alone. with grey skies and rain falling. i hope my future easters are more like past easters: spent with friends and family, worshiping in community, eating in community, thriving in community. i hope we break bread together, laugh together, be together. but what i realized yesterday, is how i do alone pretty well. there are things i miss, things i moan to friends about, little nuances of loneliness. but when i curl up in bed with my lamp and candles burning. once i claw through the shroud of loneliness (and how society makes me feel bad about feeling lonely), i cling to the connections i do make in that time.
He is Risen, indeed.
Wednesday, March 25, 2015
school volleyball
yesterday, i participated in the after school volleyball game that the teachers have every wednesday.
i was nervous because i hadn't played in a while, they would only speak korean, and they would expect something of me. but i decided it was a way to boost esprit de corps and gain respect among the other teachers. and it ended up being really fun despite my earlier worries. i wasn't as rusty as i remembered, and the principal gave me a high-five! we played for two hours in our gym over the cafeteria and by the end, i felt like i belonged just a little bit more. i carry my bruised and swollen arms with pride (the nurse also gave me some magical pas to help).
i have found that things that intimidated me or scared me or constrained me have been the most worthwhile. they have the most positive impact. they take the most effort to overcome, but they end up having the greatest effect on my attitude and on my perception of my time here. over the past year, things like traveling alone to japan, climbing fuji-san, and taking the gre seemed daunting until i put in the work and made the effort. and most recently, joining sports teams again like ultimate frisbee, school volleyball, and training for another half marathon were rather scary thoughts. but after those first few minutes of terror and confusion, i fell into a comfortable place again, a place i belonged, a place i could dig out space to fit in.
i have also found that God has been there with me all along. through the lonely travels, lonesome dreams, climbing mountains, taking exams, leaving my comfort zone, His presence has been a constant source of reassurance and confidence. my courage comes from Him.
korea is blooming again. little miracles springing up every day. on magnolia trees outside my apartment, apple blossoms on the walk from the bus to school, and the dazzling red and fuschia flowers that will soon grace the bottom of the hill near my apartments.
i was nervous because i hadn't played in a while, they would only speak korean, and they would expect something of me. but i decided it was a way to boost esprit de corps and gain respect among the other teachers. and it ended up being really fun despite my earlier worries. i wasn't as rusty as i remembered, and the principal gave me a high-five! we played for two hours in our gym over the cafeteria and by the end, i felt like i belonged just a little bit more. i carry my bruised and swollen arms with pride (the nurse also gave me some magical pas to help).
i have found that things that intimidated me or scared me or constrained me have been the most worthwhile. they have the most positive impact. they take the most effort to overcome, but they end up having the greatest effect on my attitude and on my perception of my time here. over the past year, things like traveling alone to japan, climbing fuji-san, and taking the gre seemed daunting until i put in the work and made the effort. and most recently, joining sports teams again like ultimate frisbee, school volleyball, and training for another half marathon were rather scary thoughts. but after those first few minutes of terror and confusion, i fell into a comfortable place again, a place i belonged, a place i could dig out space to fit in.
i have also found that God has been there with me all along. through the lonely travels, lonesome dreams, climbing mountains, taking exams, leaving my comfort zone, His presence has been a constant source of reassurance and confidence. my courage comes from Him.
---
korea is blooming again. little miracles springing up every day. on magnolia trees outside my apartment, apple blossoms on the walk from the bus to school, and the dazzling red and fuschia flowers that will soon grace the bottom of the hill near my apartments.
welcome, spring, and all the uncertainty that comes with it.
Sunday, March 22, 2015
the best bus seat
i look for little things each day to brighten, to soften, to enliven, and to illuminate.
friday: it was the perfect bus seat. i was taking the bus from school to pentaport to see the new cinderella movie solo (that in itself was a delight). i hopped on the 990 heading towards cheonan and behold, the ideal jackie seat was open. it was located between two windows that i could open to feel the breeze, next to the button to get off the bus, slightly raised, and on the right side. i'm not normally a picky person, i'm rather easy-going, but when i find something that works and works well - i latch on to it. it doesn't always work out, and i don't always get what i want: but friday, i was living the good life in the best breezy seat on the bus.
~~ enjoying the ride and life along with it ~~
Tuesday, March 17, 2015
bob
there's a little boy named bob in one of my after school classes that i mentioned in a previous post. he is a constant source of joy in an overwhelming sea of korean children who want to hang on me instead of learning english (which i wouldn't mind, except that i'm being paid to teach english).
upon meeting, he informed me that he was a first grader and his name is bob. pronounced "bawb," not "bahb." i sound like i'm underwater or in slow-mo everytime i talk to him. "bawwwwwwwb."
the first day of after school, as i was leaving, he ran and gave me a hug.
thursday, he told me i was his american sister, and he was my korean brother.
and monday, while the children were doing an alphabet hunt packet, he told me he was finished. so we started at z and started counting all his letters. i found several instances where he had written in his own letters and circled them when he couldn't find them all. he grinned sheepishly every time i pointed to one and looked at him. we made it to 't'.
he makes me look forward to school, again.
upon meeting, he informed me that he was a first grader and his name is bob. pronounced "bawb," not "bahb." i sound like i'm underwater or in slow-mo everytime i talk to him. "bawwwwwwwb."
the first day of after school, as i was leaving, he ran and gave me a hug.
thursday, he told me i was his american sister, and he was my korean brother.
and monday, while the children were doing an alphabet hunt packet, he told me he was finished. so we started at z and started counting all his letters. i found several instances where he had written in his own letters and circled them when he couldn't find them all. he grinned sheepishly every time i pointed to one and looked at him. we made it to 't'.
he makes me look forward to school, again.
Sunday, March 15, 2015
revolving around food
this weekend was a pleasant one. a slow, steady, wandering one. it started late saturday, with a rush to catch the train after meeting the cutest puppy. it continued with bottomless chips and salsa, wearing green, dancing, walking through the streets. we bopped from friend to new friend to old friend, restaurant to bar to street side. until we ended the night on meg's floor.
sunday was sleepy and sunny and sweet. shelb and i woke up slowly and kindly and took our time getting to the subway. we brunched at butterfinger pancakes on garden omelettes, fruit gulps, and coffee in gangnam. we got lattes at a coffee shop in the back alleys of itaewon. we biked the han river and tried not to get run over near yeoido. we sipped green juices in noksapyeong while we waited for our grilled cheeses. we visited a small home shop and bought chili back in itaewon. then i raced to catch the 7:10 ktx back home. then the subway. then a taxi. (i love when i can get home in almost an hour, bullet trains are aaaamazing and subways that line up well are even better).
it was not an organized day, but it was not a chaotic day either. we ended up taking the brown line four different times. back and forth. around and about. it was a splendid day in lovely company. sundays are supposed to be savored, not devoured. absorbed slowly before the busy-ness of the week begins again. the calm before the storm. the last deep breath before diving in to another monday.
i will hold on to this sunday tightly.
Saturday, March 7, 2015
new
a rough beginning:
my birthday was tuesday and with it, slipped in: a new spin around the sun, a new school year, new co-teachers, new students, new after school classes. a lot of "new" and it seemed to slip right through the cracks. i didn't have much expectation for my birthday this year. while i love birthdays, and last year i was so celebrated with surprise parties, i don't love birthdays abroad. i don't love being home alone at the end of the night. i don't love being surrounded by strangers. i don't love being hours ahead (even though it does give me a 38 hour birth-day). and my birthday this year was a lot of those things.
it was a tuesday. a tuesday at school with new co-teachers. there was no cake, no well wishes, no cards. mrs. kim and semi and julie and byungtak took me out for dinner. and i watched the bachelor with a who outdid herself with a beehive honey cake. and i ended the night alone in my little cave apartment waiting for america to wake up.
the week didn't get much better. my new co-teachers are a motley crew and made me realize (as if i haven't already) how lucky, lucky, lucky i was to have all the other co-ts i did. we have: 1 - third grade with harriet. she's kind and sometimes she smiles and sometimes she even laughs. but she doesn't tell us anything about what is happening in the school, and she doesn't deviate much from the book (and the book is so. boring.) 2 - fresh girl. she graduated in december and has never taught before. anything, much less english. and i'm teaching fifth grade with her. so far, she hasn't listened to anything i've suggested and gives me the "easier" portion of the lesson even though i'm the native speaker. it's going to be an uphill battle, but she did ask me what i'm doing this weekend. (also: i'm older than her, which adds a weird twist into the korean hierarchy aspect of things). and 3 - middle school boy. (story: for the first semester we overlapped at school, i thought he was a middle school student that never went to school and hung out around the elementary kids...). i teach one third grade class with him on fridays. this friday, he asked me what i wanted to do and said that i was the professional and that i was good at finding and playing games. so i taught the entire class.
i have four new after school classes this semester on thursday and friday afternoons for overtime. it's a challenge. 25 first and second graders who know the alphabet and not much else. but i have the first week under my belt, and after a few hiccups, i think we'll get along quite nicely.
enough with my complaining. in my mission to journal more, i've found that it's effective for me to get out my angst and complaints onto paper so they're no longer jarred up inside of me. then i get on to the things that were peaceful and kind and good. i'm a little sorry that i did this on the blog as well as in my journal this week, but i felt it was important to write about the first week back at school and writing it twice must be doubly effective, right?
good things:
--the many wishes and messages i got from friends and family back home. i'm so excited to be stateside for my next birthday and to be surrounded with people i love and enjoy, that's all i ask.
--extra money each week from the new classes, finally figuring out taxes so i can eventually be reimbursed for the last 16 months.
--finding someone who also watches the bachelor so we can dish about it during and after, it adds a certain sweetness to the week.
--having four schools to choose from for graduate school in september (although it's proving a challenge as well).
--darling little first and second graders who want to know everything about me and are eager to learn the alphabet (both the big AND the small letters). spending time with them as they furiously hunt for letters and match the big with the small. little bobs, and tahyuns, and other children who are more faces than names right now. little boys who were terrified of me the first day, and tackling me the next (he also wouldn't speak the first day, and was rattling off random letters the second). even though it's going to be a lot of work planning for these classes and teaching them myself, i love how i feel when i leave. i feel accomplished and needed. something i'm not feeling in my other classes at the moment.
--saturdays in the sun. spending time climbing to the sinchang fortress and sitting on the stone walls looking over the village. walking through campus for a latte. and napping on the roof of my building cocooned in my comforter and listening to criminal podcasts for the afternoon.
so i look forward: to warmer weather and blue skies, visits with semi and mrs. kim, afternoons of sunshine and bus rides home and runs with staci, lattes in the morning, hillsong concerts in april.
a nugget of gold: little bob (he informed me it is pronounced "bohb" not "bawb") rushed to give me a hug before i left on friday. he made me feel special and i'm glad at least one of the rascals likes english.
*to weeks of positive attitudes and outlooks and good things to come. that was the point of this blog.
*welcome 24, i'm excited to see what another spin around the sun will bring.
my birthday was tuesday and with it, slipped in: a new spin around the sun, a new school year, new co-teachers, new students, new after school classes. a lot of "new" and it seemed to slip right through the cracks. i didn't have much expectation for my birthday this year. while i love birthdays, and last year i was so celebrated with surprise parties, i don't love birthdays abroad. i don't love being home alone at the end of the night. i don't love being surrounded by strangers. i don't love being hours ahead (even though it does give me a 38 hour birth-day). and my birthday this year was a lot of those things.
it was a tuesday. a tuesday at school with new co-teachers. there was no cake, no well wishes, no cards. mrs. kim and semi and julie and byungtak took me out for dinner. and i watched the bachelor with a who outdid herself with a beehive honey cake. and i ended the night alone in my little cave apartment waiting for america to wake up.
the week didn't get much better. my new co-teachers are a motley crew and made me realize (as if i haven't already) how lucky, lucky, lucky i was to have all the other co-ts i did. we have: 1 - third grade with harriet. she's kind and sometimes she smiles and sometimes she even laughs. but she doesn't tell us anything about what is happening in the school, and she doesn't deviate much from the book (and the book is so. boring.) 2 - fresh girl. she graduated in december and has never taught before. anything, much less english. and i'm teaching fifth grade with her. so far, she hasn't listened to anything i've suggested and gives me the "easier" portion of the lesson even though i'm the native speaker. it's going to be an uphill battle, but she did ask me what i'm doing this weekend. (also: i'm older than her, which adds a weird twist into the korean hierarchy aspect of things). and 3 - middle school boy. (story: for the first semester we overlapped at school, i thought he was a middle school student that never went to school and hung out around the elementary kids...). i teach one third grade class with him on fridays. this friday, he asked me what i wanted to do and said that i was the professional and that i was good at finding and playing games. so i taught the entire class.
i have four new after school classes this semester on thursday and friday afternoons for overtime. it's a challenge. 25 first and second graders who know the alphabet and not much else. but i have the first week under my belt, and after a few hiccups, i think we'll get along quite nicely.
enough with my complaining. in my mission to journal more, i've found that it's effective for me to get out my angst and complaints onto paper so they're no longer jarred up inside of me. then i get on to the things that were peaceful and kind and good. i'm a little sorry that i did this on the blog as well as in my journal this week, but i felt it was important to write about the first week back at school and writing it twice must be doubly effective, right?
---
good things:
--the many wishes and messages i got from friends and family back home. i'm so excited to be stateside for my next birthday and to be surrounded with people i love and enjoy, that's all i ask.
--extra money each week from the new classes, finally figuring out taxes so i can eventually be reimbursed for the last 16 months.
--finding someone who also watches the bachelor so we can dish about it during and after, it adds a certain sweetness to the week.
--having four schools to choose from for graduate school in september (although it's proving a challenge as well).
--darling little first and second graders who want to know everything about me and are eager to learn the alphabet (both the big AND the small letters). spending time with them as they furiously hunt for letters and match the big with the small. little bobs, and tahyuns, and other children who are more faces than names right now. little boys who were terrified of me the first day, and tackling me the next (he also wouldn't speak the first day, and was rattling off random letters the second). even though it's going to be a lot of work planning for these classes and teaching them myself, i love how i feel when i leave. i feel accomplished and needed. something i'm not feeling in my other classes at the moment.
--saturdays in the sun. spending time climbing to the sinchang fortress and sitting on the stone walls looking over the village. walking through campus for a latte. and napping on the roof of my building cocooned in my comforter and listening to criminal podcasts for the afternoon.
so i look forward: to warmer weather and blue skies, visits with semi and mrs. kim, afternoons of sunshine and bus rides home and runs with staci, lattes in the morning, hillsong concerts in april.
---
a nugget of gold: little bob (he informed me it is pronounced "bohb" not "bawb") rushed to give me a hug before i left on friday. he made me feel special and i'm glad at least one of the rascals likes english.
*to weeks of positive attitudes and outlooks and good things to come. that was the point of this blog.
*welcome 24, i'm excited to see what another spin around the sun will bring.
Monday, February 23, 2015
blissful bali
last week was lunar new years and most of asia goes on vacation, all at the same time. back in september, lindsey suggested going to bali, so we'd been planning this magical week for a while. the trip began with a ktx ride to the airport, a flight to kuala lumpur, hours wandering the airport through the rainforest and starbucks, until my final flight to bali.
i landed around 6am and was picked up by the driver from my villa. he dropped me off and i crashed in the darkness of the teakwood house. that afternoon i spent on the porch, reading, wandering the grounds, resting. that evening i ordered food from a local restaurant to be delivered, i had to repeat the address so many times because i couldn't pronounce the words correctly, but eventually the food arrived. that night, i slept early.
tuesday, i took gloria, the scooter, out for a spin to the local grocery and through some rice paddies. i had the roads to myself and i took the opportunity to drive on the left and explore some on my own.
i took a nap that evening before being picked up around 2am for a sunrise hike on mt. batur about a two hour drive away to the north east. the hike up was climbing over slippery rocks with flashlights and ten-year-old local guide. we reached the crater just before first light and found good seats for the glorious colors we were about to witness. the guides made us a breakfast of coffee, banana sandwiches, and eggs over the volcanic steam. monkeys came down the crater in herds to take part and to steal what food they could. the volcano was wonderfully green (as was all of bali) and was last active in 2000.
i landed around 6am and was picked up by the driver from my villa. he dropped me off and i crashed in the darkness of the teakwood house. that afternoon i spent on the porch, reading, wandering the grounds, resting. that evening i ordered food from a local restaurant to be delivered, i had to repeat the address so many times because i couldn't pronounce the words correctly, but eventually the food arrived. that night, i slept early.
tuesday, i took gloria, the scooter, out for a spin to the local grocery and through some rice paddies. i had the roads to myself and i took the opportunity to drive on the left and explore some on my own.
i took a nap that evening before being picked up around 2am for a sunrise hike on mt. batur about a two hour drive away to the north east. the hike up was climbing over slippery rocks with flashlights and ten-year-old local guide. we reached the crater just before first light and found good seats for the glorious colors we were about to witness. the guides made us a breakfast of coffee, banana sandwiches, and eggs over the volcanic steam. monkeys came down the crater in herds to take part and to steal what food they could. the volcano was wonderfully green (as was all of bali) and was last active in 2000.
after the hike, we were driven back to the south of the island where i was dropped off at bali buda and waited for lindsey and her driver to pick me up from their place in the mountains to our next spot on the beach. we drove a couple of hours to south kuta, a peninsula along the bottom of bali. finding our beach hut on bingin beach was tricky. we drove back and forth and had to ask many locals for directions. eventually we found a grouping of family huts, and a path, and some steep steps that led down to the beach where we eventually we found our hut and h napping in the bed. some kiwi friends of l's joined us for two nights before jetting off on the rest of their adventure. shelby arrived that night.
thursday, our first full day as a group, we rented motorbikes and scooted off to uluwatu. a temple and some beautiful cliffs. cliffs are one of my favorite of earth's landscapes (along with mountains and forests), and these were some of the most glorious cliffs i've ever seen. we wandered among some cows and hung our feet over the edge. the temple is overrun with monkeys who will steal sunglasses and hats in return for food and treats.
that afternoon, we biked to a beach close by at low tide. it was full of pools of warm water and we floated from each one to the next. it was a relaxing afternoon among rock formations that were tall and mighty. (we later returned during the morning while it was high tide and the waves crashed among the rocks in a magnificent way).
the last days of our trip were spent scootering, getting pulled over by corrupt indonesian police, pretending to be mermaids, watching surfers, eating beachside barbecue, going to the cashew tree for smoothies as frequently as we could, swimming in giant waves, collecting treasures, climbing cliff stairs, adventuring in a calm, blissful, perfect way.
this trip was peaceful and good to me. being close to (and in) the beach, collecting precious things, being reminded of lake michigan, driving again (even if it was on a scooter), being with friends from high school, filling in the empty spaces and enjoying our time together, waking up early, feeling normal again.
as a "last trip" out of my home base in korea, i couldn't have asked for a better adventure or friends to adventure with. the next time i get on a plane, i'll be headed back to the states and to the greatest state in the union. there is something so sweet in that. i'm excited for the months ahead, and the months afterwards.
bali was blissful and magical and gloriously green. everything i needed.
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