seven days without milk

a week ago, i skyped my mother and she had two very interesting insights (out of many): brew coffee at night and put it in the fridge and it magically becomes iced coffee in the morning, and to refrain from drinking milk every day (lattes, i tell ya). there were many reasons i needed to experiment with this. lately, i haven't felt 100%. merely 65% or even, dare i say, lower. i haven't felt great, i've been moody, temperamental, not as joyful. and right now, i'm sick.

i also decided to give up bagels each morning, because they weren't as healthy as i was imagining they were.

and sunday, i watched the documentary "fed up" and decided to steer away from soda and sugar (as much as i can).

and so begins an experiment: without milk, bagels, soda, and sugar. guiding in the direction of whole fruits and veggies, and things i can blend or mix (because i'm still not touching my stove top).

today: i felt more energetic, joyful, happy even. i sang, i danced around, the angry adjummas couldn't bring me down. it was an impossibly perfect and beautiful and sunshiney tuesday. i don't completely chalk it up to this lack of milk in my life (man oh man do i miss it and the lattes that go along with it). but i think it affects my body negatively in overconsumption and i must learn, again, to consume it in moderation.

while i trek through this experiment, i'm continuing to build mileage for the 15k coming up in may and for ultimate frisbee each weekend. i'm toying with the idea of running the twin cities marathon in october (anyone with me?) and mentally checking routes between potential apartments and school.

in this battle with and against my mind and body, i fight for consistency, muscles, confidence, and assuredness.

tired

this weekend was more exhausting than most. i played three out of four frisbee games in cheonan, then trekked up to seoul for the hillsong united concert. it was nonstop movement, to the point of falling asleep on the bus, but i will cherish it.

saturday, we had our first games of the weekend, we lost both (that's four now). that night we had a hug party with all the other teams at our team sponsor, cantina. lots of hugs and team loving. sunday, we had a rainy game at 12 and we beat the gwangju uprising! i had to leave before the last game against seoul train, but from the messages i got: we won in universe point ! this is the equivalent of sudden death. go cheonan cheonwons!

we got the 2:10 bus to the express bus terminal, hung out in a coffee shop, and took the subway to olympic park for the concert. the night of worship began and as a community from many nations, we recited the apostles creed in korean and english and sang as one. it was an incredible experience. people were dancing, people were singing, people were rejoicing together.

this is my favorite hillsong united song:

so this weekend was full, but fulfilling. filled with all good things. things with teammates, things with strangers, always surrounded. something i needed. to be surrounded by people hugging and dancing, joyful and exuberant. as i start shipping things home, looking for a one-way ticket to america, planning suitcase travels, preparing. it's important to be present with those around me, too. to be involved, to be steady in this time of upheaval. to not rush through these last months in this special country with these dear friends. as much as i'm looking forward to being back home, or at least close to home, and close to my tribe and home team, i'm beginning to realize i will have to say goodbye to things here. goodbye to the mountains, the busy-ness, the hoards of kimchi, the subway system, slowly i will have to start cutting ties and weaning myself from korea. transition is a weird thing. a thing that is both bitter and sweet. so for now: i will cherish the experiences i have each weekend, with my team and my friends here. i will look for the good in everything, the bits that make it special. i will slowly start developing a future in grad school in minnesota. i will eventually book tickets. i will eventually ship and pack everything. eventually i will be gone again. to somewhere new. your grace abounds in deepest waters, lord.

spirit lead me where my trust is without borders.

things lately

things that have happened in the last two weeks:

1. i played in my first volleyball game against another school. they get rather competitive. i had to wear my special gym clothes and i was assigned a position. the ladies and i won the first two games and bested the opposition. but the co-eds lost and according to korean custom, it's not who wins the most, but who wins last that is actually the winner. i beg to differ.

2. i had my first two ultimate frisbee games on sunday in daejeon with my team, the cheonan cheonwons. it was the first time playing together as a team, and most of us have never played before (we're also ranked the lowest in all of korea based on skill-level). we lost, both. the first one by a lot, the second by a little. in the second game, i almost caught a hail-mary touchdown? point? i don't know what to call it? but the frisbee came in at a weird angle and hit me instead. next time, next time. it was a learning experience, and i hope i can apply my new skills in our four games this weekend!

3. my parents went to a foreign country without telling me (who do i call in case of emergency?).

4. student funnies: i was teaching my fifth grade students about punctuation. they cannot remember the name of the "exclamation point" and instead call it the "escalator potato," i let it slide. and today, we were hearing a story about shakespeare, and i asked if anyone knew his whole name: a student tried to read the korean-ization of his name in their books and ended up with "alien shakespeare."

5. a favorite writer recently -

easter

He is Risen.

Easter: rebirth, renewal, resurrection - an opportunity to soften, to shed our skin, to blossom, and to grow.

1 Corinthians 15 - 12 But if it is preached that Christ has been raised from the dead, how can some of you say that there is no resurrection of the dead? 13 If there is no resurrection of the dead, then not even Christ has been raised. 14 And if Christ has not been raised, our preaching is useless and so is your faith. 15 More than that, we are then found to be false witnesses about God, for we have testified about God that he raised Christ from the dead. But he did not raise him if in fact the dead are not raised. 16 For if the dead are not raised, then Christ has not been raised either. 17 And if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile; you are still in your sins. 18 Then those also who have fallen asleep in Christ are lost. 19 If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are of all people most to be pitied.

my easter was peaceful and relaxed. i spent it alone, in the calm of my apartment. i watched march madness and andy stanley videos from past easters on the essential-ness of the resurrection with the faith, how we can't cherry-pick from the new testament when the storytellers are telling the whole story, and how the renewal of spring is the center of the testimony. 

it was lightly raining outside, the skies were grey, but calming. i lit incense and candles, i brewed lake michigan coffee in my french press, i finished books i had checked out from the library months ago. i did puzzles and listened to bethel, hillsong, and rend collective. i ate green olives and avocados (green for rebirth and new life). i sipped slowly and intentionally. i ate slowly and intentionally. i let my thoughts wander from light shining in darkness to flowers blooming outside on the trees. from how this wasn't my ideal easter sunday, but how maybe it was what my heart and soul needed. time alone, this rejuvenation and growth from within and with the Lord. from thoughts of the future months, to dwelling on the past. to recognizing the growth of the present moment. i've become quite content alone with myself and my whirling thoughts. 

i hope this is the only easter i spend this way. alone. with grey skies and rain falling. i hope my future easters are more like past easters: spent with friends and family, worshiping in community, eating in community, thriving in community. i hope we break bread together, laugh together, be together. but what i realized yesterday, is how i do alone pretty well. there are things i miss, things i moan to friends about, little nuances of loneliness. but when i curl up in bed with my lamp and candles burning. once i claw through the shroud of loneliness (and how society makes me feel bad about feeling lonely), i cling to the connections i do make in that time. 

He is Risen, indeed.