living as a triangle. triangles are my favorite shape. and recently, i read an article in the wall street journal about the struggle with the "dark side of coming home" and "repatriation blues." right now: my thoughts of home are golden and fuzzy. everything is full of sun beams and frolics through my old haunts. but in the back of my mind, i'm worried about coming home. expecting everything to be the same, and having everything be different: especially myself.
in this article, i was first introduced to naomi hattaway who wrote a blog called "i am a triangle" and has since made a facebook group of which i am a small, small part (really, a fly on the wall: reading stories of other expats (read: immigrants) roving the world in search of their home again).
but i found her thoughts so fascinating: she compares us to evolving shapes. we begin as circles in our circle country with other circle beings, constantly doing circle things. something inspires us to move and change and we fly to a square country with other square beings, constantly doing square things. and we being to adjust. our rounded edges become sharper. we adjust. we start speaking the language, and doing what they do. we adjust. we assimilate (maybe not in appearance), but in actions and way of doing things. to the point where we become sharper and eventually a triangle. a mix of the two. we'll never be a square, because we were once a circle. but never again will we be a circle, with rounded edges and rounded ways. forever, we will be this triangle that doesn't quite fit in either space or country.
and i'm not the only one, of course. there are many of us: these triangles. we flit about from country to space to place. gleaning good things and bad from everywhere we land. enter, one of my favorite words: variegated. i love this word. it means "exhibiting different colors, especially as irregular patches or streaks" or "marked by variety." i like how it sounds, and how it's spelled, and especially what it means. it means something beautiful, composed of many different (very different) parts. making one unique, magnificent, remarkable whole. now, i am variegated. now, i am triangular. i am shapes and words i never thought i would use to describe myself. but i'm excited to start. and to explore this adventure of "coming home" and defining home for myself. because what is home? is it the certain plot of land? or the people you call your tribe? or the place where you blend in? or the place you feel uncomfortable?
home: the place where hugs are sweeter and longer and coffee flows freely and smoothly and it's always autumn on the lake with bonfires burning brightly. here: laughter and joy reign.
