whirlwind

the month of november has been a blur.

i worked almost 24 hours in a weekend (between friday, saturday, and sunday).
i had two big exams on the same day the following week and spent monday, tuesday, and wednesday studying.
i had a good friend fly in the night of the two big exams and we played all weekend.
and then everything caught up to me, and i was couch-ridden for a few days last week (luckily it was a slow week because the last few weeks haven't been).

and now this weekend was pleasantly normal. with brunches, and trips to mall of america, and relaxing evenings with friends, with late mornings, and thoughtful salads, and now a long afternoon at canteen studying for my exam tomorrow on infectious diseases.

and: i find myself craving a real job. an 8-5, monday to friday job. a job that doesn't involve exams and homework. a job that doesn't overlap with my weekends, or at least has a consistent schedule.

when in reality, i'm really just looking forward to my new classes next semester. when i start taking epidemiology and infectious disease, and climate change and global health. when in reality, i'm nervous about the next week and thanksgiving and not going home and nim's anniversary and tumbleweed's anniversary and a lot of things i'm going to have to struggle through.

but there are sweet things too, things i'm incredibly thankful for - like packages from korea, and brownie waffles sent from michi to minne (thanks, aunt char!), and working full days at the coffee shop, and writing papers on things that interest me, and the prospect of having time to sending letters, and overcast days, windy days, cold days, days with snow!

happy week of thanks, all.

changes

it's november. and my three month anniversary back in america. and today, i slowed down. and i think a lot of things hit me, overwhelmed me, and the weight of the upcoming week dawned on me. this last week was refreshing and full of understanding. a friend from korea was visiting his sister and made time for me four out of six days. and it was pleasant being reminded that i wasn't alone and that there were still people who understood me and korea and kimchi and the magic of mountains and exploring. i've been missing that - because i'm in a new place and school and people and everything is changing, and i've forgotten what it's like to slow down and talk about the two years in korea and traveling and seeing everything i could. i'd forgotten what it was like to look back instead of forward, to remember and reminisce, to stop planning for a bit and take time to look out the big windows and watch the rain (turned snow).

so i'm trying to savor things more. but also to be present, and to openly communicate, and to be honest. to not be afraid of what people might think of me, to always be myself, to be expressive, and to be lively and wild and hopeful.

to past and present change and being able to engage them both. to being open and free and willing. to showing up and being the best friend and person i can be.