the month of november has been a blur.
i worked almost 24 hours in a weekend (between friday, saturday, and sunday).
i had two big exams on the same day the following week and spent monday, tuesday, and wednesday studying.
i had a good friend fly in the night of the two big exams and we played all weekend.
and then everything caught up to me, and i was couch-ridden for a few days last week (luckily it was a slow week because the last few weeks haven't been).
and now this weekend was pleasantly normal. with brunches, and trips to mall of america, and relaxing evenings with friends, with late mornings, and thoughtful salads, and now a long afternoon at canteen studying for my exam tomorrow on infectious diseases.
and: i find myself craving a real job. an 8-5, monday to friday job. a job that doesn't involve exams and homework. a job that doesn't overlap with my weekends, or at least has a consistent schedule.
when in reality, i'm really just looking forward to my new classes next semester. when i start taking epidemiology and infectious disease, and climate change and global health. when in reality, i'm nervous about the next week and thanksgiving and not going home and nim's anniversary and tumbleweed's anniversary and a lot of things i'm going to have to struggle through.
but there are sweet things too, things i'm incredibly thankful for - like packages from korea, and brownie waffles sent from michi to minne (thanks, aunt char!), and working full days at the coffee shop, and writing papers on things that interest me, and the prospect of having time to sending letters, and overcast days, windy days, cold days, days with snow!
happy week of thanks, all.
Sunday, November 22, 2015
Tuesday, November 3, 2015
changes
it's november. and my three month anniversary back in america. and today, i slowed down. and i think a lot of things hit me, overwhelmed me, and the weight of the upcoming week dawned on me. this last week was refreshing and full of understanding. a friend from korea was visiting his sister and made time for me four out of six days. and it was pleasant being reminded that i wasn't alone and that there were still people who understood me and korea and kimchi and the magic of mountains and exploring. i've been missing that - because i'm in a new place and school and people and everything is changing, and i've forgotten what it's like to slow down and talk about the two years in korea and traveling and seeing everything i could. i'd forgotten what it was like to look back instead of forward, to remember and reminisce, to stop planning for a bit and take time to look out the big windows and watch the rain (turned snow).
so i'm trying to savor things more. but also to be present, and to openly communicate, and to be honest. to not be afraid of what people might think of me, to always be myself, to be expressive, and to be lively and wild and hopeful.
to past and present change and being able to engage them both. to being open and free and willing. to showing up and being the best friend and person i can be.
so i'm trying to savor things more. but also to be present, and to openly communicate, and to be honest. to not be afraid of what people might think of me, to always be myself, to be expressive, and to be lively and wild and hopeful.
to past and present change and being able to engage them both. to being open and free and willing. to showing up and being the best friend and person i can be.
Friday, October 2, 2015
duluth mystical
duluth is my magic place. i've been three times since moving to minneapolis and it's been a treat every time. the first was when we were driving back from montana and stopped for the night to see superior and to pretend to be in michigan. the second was when uncle dave was here and we drove up to gooseberry falls for the day. and the third was last weekend, camping with kath in a dense fog warning. it was windy and foggy and a little chilly, but was a wonderful welcome into fall. we met mark at a cafe and ate chili and pizzas, wandered around for the afternoon, pitched our tent and walked some trails, ate dinner at the brewery, and sat around the fire drinking beer shrouded in fog and surrounded by nurses who welcomed us into their fold. that night we built our own fire and slept early and long, woke up to more fog, and wandered jay cooke state park with a wild river and winding paths through tall, tall trees. there's something about this place that reminds me of a home and a place of sanctuary and safety and relief.
a friend asked me over coffee last week to describe my experience in korea in one ten-word sentence. the only thing i could come up with was 'it was interesting' and that in itself can't explain it. it was wonderful, yet incredibly lonely. it was wild, and incredible, and i met some amazing people, but i almost always missed home. i missed the woods, and camping, and was thrown into cities and millions of people and empty mountains. i tried foods i'd never heard of and missed mac and cheese and mashed potatoes and thanksgiving foods. i explored corners and met locals and made good friends at school. i walked everywhere or rode trains or rode buses. i slept on floors, in piles, on blankets. in the woods, in hostels, in pensions, rarely in hotels. i climbed mountains and stared at oceans and touched trees. i found a wonderful part of myself there. i grew into my adventurous self there. i love what i learned there. so no ten-word sentence could ever capture the depth of my experience there, the things i saw, the things i learned, the things i gleaned.
it was interesting and that's only the beginning.
Thursday, September 17, 2015
#gradschool
i now have two weeks under my belt as a grad student in minnesota. i've been home from korea a little over a month. a lot has changed, not much has stayed the same. and i've kept myself busy. i'm worried about repatriation and adjusting again. i'm worried about getting into ruts and slowing down and running out of fuel. so for the last month i've been constantly moving.
i flew home and was up north to my lake as fast as i could be. i moved to minneapolis and jetted off to montana with marshall for a week. i had orientation and flew home for em's wedding in the backyard. we had our first week of classes and i headed to the woods for a weekend of crisis simulation. we've had another week and tomorrow, uncle david and mark come for a weekend of sportsing (twins and lions) and fall colors. i haven't stopped moving, and don't foresee doing so in the near future. and i'm not sure if it's a good or a bad thing.
i've read a lot of articles about moving home, returning stateside. i've read a lot of articles about missing things and people and lifestyles. i tried to prepare myself for the worst and for the best. so i think it's good that i'm in a new place with new people exploring new corners. but it's also hard, because i don't have people to rely on or old friends who know me well. there's always a reason to keep moving here.
but minnesota and grad school have been what i've needed. i needed the structure of classes and studying. i've needed the benefit of riding my bike to school most days. i've needed to go out of my comfortable box to befriend people. i've had to reroute and explore more. i've had to walk longer and accidentally get off bus stops too early. i've had to take the bus to the train to the plane for a weekend home. i've had to ask people for help and feel silly when i wander around lost.
as for classes, i've had biostats, and epi methods, and pathophysiology. we discuss issues in environmental and occupational health. i've attended global health seminars and have infectious disease socials penciled into my calendar.
this past weekend i participated in a humanitarian relief crisis simulation. we were in the woods of cannon falls on various ngo teams assessing needs and evaluating what could be fulfilled and asking for donations for future projects. it was a stretching weekend, a weekend of growth and learning and discomfort. it was a wild combination of stress, anxiety, excitement, understanding, and appreciation - just what i imagine a real-world criss situation would look like. i gained insight into the world of situation flow, leadership, cooperation, and working alongside strangers-turned-team in a constantly-changing environment. i am excited to now have an informational foundation for my pursuit of humanitarianism, and to have gleaned mountains of learning and growth from this course and to have one graduate credit under my belt. we networked with the cdc and the red cross and doctors without borders and the refugee committee, and we worked together to solve an incredible problem.
i recently took up rock-climbing. recently, as in i've gone twice and haven't made it to the top yet. but there have been improvements and friendships and community made at the rec center. people who encourage and uplift and motivate me to push myself out of my comfort zone on the bouldering wall. allowing me to be afraid to fall, but to fall anyway. and after sore arms begin to heal, i'm ready to try again.
and i think this is a reflection of my experience here in mn so far. i've been stretched and pulled and molded, again. i've been uncomfortable and unsettled. i've been surrounded by english speakers and still struggle to communicate and find commonalities. i don't have to fend for myself as often, but i do find myself relying on others more than i would like. i've been overwhelmed by the number of tomato soup options at the grocery store and the surplus of fresh vegetables and fruit (so much so, that i keep overbuying and can't eat them all). i've uprooted myself from the things that were comfortable in korea and in michigan and i've moved myself to a new spot, a new place to call home, a new corner to explore. i'm starting to form my fledgling roots here in this place with my avocado plant (who is still alive). so the initial painful shedding of excess and of the old comes again, as it always does when i'm uprooted. there's a bit of soreness in the exploring and wondering, because i know that somewhere else i could be comfortable and safe and stable.
so here's to the next few weeks: of reaching the top of the purple path on the bouldering wall, trying all the bus routes successfully and unsuccessfully, meeting new people every day, being uncomfortable, meeting wonderful people and making wonderful friends, and riding my bike three out of four school days a week.
i flew home and was up north to my lake as fast as i could be. i moved to minneapolis and jetted off to montana with marshall for a week. i had orientation and flew home for em's wedding in the backyard. we had our first week of classes and i headed to the woods for a weekend of crisis simulation. we've had another week and tomorrow, uncle david and mark come for a weekend of sportsing (twins and lions) and fall colors. i haven't stopped moving, and don't foresee doing so in the near future. and i'm not sure if it's a good or a bad thing.
i've read a lot of articles about moving home, returning stateside. i've read a lot of articles about missing things and people and lifestyles. i tried to prepare myself for the worst and for the best. so i think it's good that i'm in a new place with new people exploring new corners. but it's also hard, because i don't have people to rely on or old friends who know me well. there's always a reason to keep moving here.
but minnesota and grad school have been what i've needed. i needed the structure of classes and studying. i've needed the benefit of riding my bike to school most days. i've needed to go out of my comfortable box to befriend people. i've had to reroute and explore more. i've had to walk longer and accidentally get off bus stops too early. i've had to take the bus to the train to the plane for a weekend home. i've had to ask people for help and feel silly when i wander around lost.
as for classes, i've had biostats, and epi methods, and pathophysiology. we discuss issues in environmental and occupational health. i've attended global health seminars and have infectious disease socials penciled into my calendar.
this past weekend i participated in a humanitarian relief crisis simulation. we were in the woods of cannon falls on various ngo teams assessing needs and evaluating what could be fulfilled and asking for donations for future projects. it was a stretching weekend, a weekend of growth and learning and discomfort. it was a wild combination of stress, anxiety, excitement, understanding, and appreciation - just what i imagine a real-world criss situation would look like. i gained insight into the world of situation flow, leadership, cooperation, and working alongside strangers-turned-team in a constantly-changing environment. i am excited to now have an informational foundation for my pursuit of humanitarianism, and to have gleaned mountains of learning and growth from this course and to have one graduate credit under my belt. we networked with the cdc and the red cross and doctors without borders and the refugee committee, and we worked together to solve an incredible problem.
i recently took up rock-climbing. recently, as in i've gone twice and haven't made it to the top yet. but there have been improvements and friendships and community made at the rec center. people who encourage and uplift and motivate me to push myself out of my comfort zone on the bouldering wall. allowing me to be afraid to fall, but to fall anyway. and after sore arms begin to heal, i'm ready to try again.
and i think this is a reflection of my experience here in mn so far. i've been stretched and pulled and molded, again. i've been uncomfortable and unsettled. i've been surrounded by english speakers and still struggle to communicate and find commonalities. i don't have to fend for myself as often, but i do find myself relying on others more than i would like. i've been overwhelmed by the number of tomato soup options at the grocery store and the surplus of fresh vegetables and fruit (so much so, that i keep overbuying and can't eat them all). i've uprooted myself from the things that were comfortable in korea and in michigan and i've moved myself to a new spot, a new place to call home, a new corner to explore. i'm starting to form my fledgling roots here in this place with my avocado plant (who is still alive). so the initial painful shedding of excess and of the old comes again, as it always does when i'm uprooted. there's a bit of soreness in the exploring and wondering, because i know that somewhere else i could be comfortable and safe and stable.
so here's to the next few weeks: of reaching the top of the purple path on the bouldering wall, trying all the bus routes successfully and unsuccessfully, meeting new people every day, being uncomfortable, meeting wonderful people and making wonderful friends, and riding my bike three out of four school days a week.
Thursday, August 20, 2015
minneapolis
from michi to minne.
i've now spent two nights in my new apartment in the middle of uptown minneapolis (specifically the lynlake neighborhood).
i spent a blissful two weeks at home: full of time spent up north on the lake and at home watching ncis and running errands and sorting everything and dropping off a lot of unnecessary stuff at the salvation army and making tshirt rugs and planning for the future and getting biggby caramel iced coffees every. day.
monday, we started driving at 8am and instead of going through chicago, we decided to drive to the UP. it was a caravan of the monster moving truck and the tiny mini cooper. we listened to podcasts and 7 habits of highly effective people and my chill music. we drove all around lake michigan, through forests and small towns, stopping at picnic tables for snacks.
we arrived to a rainy tuesday minneapolis morning. we parked the moving truck in the alley behind the apartment and carried loads through the exterior door in my bedroom (eek!). we dismantled the heavy sleeper sofa and dad and i carried it up the back steps and stuffed it through small, old doorways. and i got settled and nested quickly.
erin came at 10pm that night after my parents left and after we had a picnic lunch from the midtown global market on the floor of my table-less apartment with my new housemate, gabriela.
erin and i talked to the wee hours then crashed and slept in because we were both on vacation in a new city. we started the morning at urban bean coffee down the street and then walked around the neighborhood looking at cute yoga studios and cafes. then we drove downtown to target and ended up at target field. she helped me pick up things for the apartment before going to the midtown global market to see its cool-ness. then we relaxed at the apartment before eating at galactic pizza. we ended the night at the lynlake brewery listening to live music with g.
this morning, we tried the coffee shop across the street - dunn bros and then rode bikes 20 miles - to lake calhoun, to the new vikings stadium downtown, across the mississippi river to campus, and back along the midtown greenway - i can get almost everywhere via bike paths, it's really nice. we went grocery shopping for veggies at cub down the street and now that they're organized in the fridge, erin left and is on her way to chicago. lucky me that i had a friend to share my bed and explore with me in my new city! i'll post pictures soon. this place is already wonderful.
hello, minneapolis.
i've now spent two nights in my new apartment in the middle of uptown minneapolis (specifically the lynlake neighborhood).
i spent a blissful two weeks at home: full of time spent up north on the lake and at home watching ncis and running errands and sorting everything and dropping off a lot of unnecessary stuff at the salvation army and making tshirt rugs and planning for the future and getting biggby caramel iced coffees every. day.
monday, we started driving at 8am and instead of going through chicago, we decided to drive to the UP. it was a caravan of the monster moving truck and the tiny mini cooper. we listened to podcasts and 7 habits of highly effective people and my chill music. we drove all around lake michigan, through forests and small towns, stopping at picnic tables for snacks.
we arrived to a rainy tuesday minneapolis morning. we parked the moving truck in the alley behind the apartment and carried loads through the exterior door in my bedroom (eek!). we dismantled the heavy sleeper sofa and dad and i carried it up the back steps and stuffed it through small, old doorways. and i got settled and nested quickly.
erin came at 10pm that night after my parents left and after we had a picnic lunch from the midtown global market on the floor of my table-less apartment with my new housemate, gabriela.
erin and i talked to the wee hours then crashed and slept in because we were both on vacation in a new city. we started the morning at urban bean coffee down the street and then walked around the neighborhood looking at cute yoga studios and cafes. then we drove downtown to target and ended up at target field. she helped me pick up things for the apartment before going to the midtown global market to see its cool-ness. then we relaxed at the apartment before eating at galactic pizza. we ended the night at the lynlake brewery listening to live music with g.
this morning, we tried the coffee shop across the street - dunn bros and then rode bikes 20 miles - to lake calhoun, to the new vikings stadium downtown, across the mississippi river to campus, and back along the midtown greenway - i can get almost everywhere via bike paths, it's really nice. we went grocery shopping for veggies at cub down the street and now that they're organized in the fridge, erin left and is on her way to chicago. lucky me that i had a friend to share my bed and explore with me in my new city! i'll post pictures soon. this place is already wonderful.
hello, minneapolis.
Tuesday, July 21, 2015
goodbyes are hard
today was my last day of classes with my gregarious third graders. we danced and played games and at the end, i told them it was our last class and they got sad and asked if the next teacher would play games and be as fun as i was (i was flattered, of course). we took pictures together, and they got out their phones for selfies, and i gave them my email (still waiting for the first), and they asked if they could fit in my suitcase, and i made them promise to visit me in america.
they wished me well in korean, told me to keep my health and be happy. i told them to travel and to explore. it was one giant group hug. (and when i saw them at lunch, they asked me why i was still in korea). even though we had ups and downs, they were some of the most joyful learners and creative adventurers.
it's the beginning of missing them and their cute little faces.
Monday, July 20, 2015
this is the end
there are very few days between now and when i'll take the bus to the airport to fly home. there is only one more monday after today, playing with the kids and crossing language barriers. there are very few days left of kimchi, hot soups in the summer, humidity that makes my hair absolutely wild, being called a foreigner, and trips on the train to seoul. this is the end. the end of my time living in korea. the end of my time climbing these lush mountains and smelling the salty seas. the end of traipsing through rice paddies that are wonderfully green. the end of having misunderstandings and miscommunications every day. the end of being the only blondish brown in school. the end of this little apartment with my treadmill and pink bathroom and no counter space. the end of teaching english to my little nuggets. the end of quite an adventure.
there are many things i'll miss. many i won't. but this place has been so good to me. so good for me. this place has stretched and smoothed and roughed up and changed me. i've gotten stronger and bolder and wilder. i've grown into myself, i think. i've been forced to be alone, a lot. i've been forced to be uncomfortable, to feel unsteady, to stay connected, to turn to nature. i've climbed a lot of things, seen far and wide, tasted everything under the moon (and some i will never ever taste again). i've tried silkworm larva and tentacles and sea creatures. i've enjoyed radish and kimchi and seaweed soups.
but i'm ready for a change, and i've been ready for a few months now. but these months of readiness have been good, too. they've helped me detach and part ways with things. i'm not being ripped from this place, i'm slowly digging out each root carefully and painstakingly. i started saying goodbye a long time again. probably around the end of february, when the last semester was starting and everything was changing. when i started trying frisbee, and running races, and making more effort to go places. i'm mostly packed now, a lot of my things are in my suitcase. my walls that were once full of quotes and pictures and tapestries are now bare (as bare as korean wallpaper can be). there isn't much left to fit into the small spaces that remain.
the next month: soon, i'll move home, just to move away again. this time to minnesota to start school again. for a while, i was worried about repatriation and reading every article i could get my hands on. i was worried about coming back changed and finding things hadn't (or had) changed as well. i was worried about not being able to relate, and people not trying to relate to me (or not being able to). i was worried that i'd be overwhelmed by it all. and i was, when i went home in june. i was eavesdropping on everyone, and i couldn't choose a tomato soup from the many, many options in meijer. i was overwhelmed by people understanding me, but not understanding my experiences. not knowing what i'd seen, or what i'd eaten. so i'm throwing myself into a new thing: public health school. in a new city, in a new state. i think it'll be good for me to not stop moving, because if i stop or slow down too much, i think i'll worry, and stress, and overthink things. the transition wouldn't be smooth.
moving to: the bike paths of mpls, the lakes around my apartment, the brewery down the street, the outdoor concerts, the fresh air, the hours of studying, finding nooks and crannies that feel comfortable, exploring something unknown again, to ride public transportation and commute on green paths, see old friends and make new. and welcome people into my new place.
there are many things i'll miss. many i won't. but this place has been so good to me. so good for me. this place has stretched and smoothed and roughed up and changed me. i've gotten stronger and bolder and wilder. i've grown into myself, i think. i've been forced to be alone, a lot. i've been forced to be uncomfortable, to feel unsteady, to stay connected, to turn to nature. i've climbed a lot of things, seen far and wide, tasted everything under the moon (and some i will never ever taste again). i've tried silkworm larva and tentacles and sea creatures. i've enjoyed radish and kimchi and seaweed soups.
but i'm ready for a change, and i've been ready for a few months now. but these months of readiness have been good, too. they've helped me detach and part ways with things. i'm not being ripped from this place, i'm slowly digging out each root carefully and painstakingly. i started saying goodbye a long time again. probably around the end of february, when the last semester was starting and everything was changing. when i started trying frisbee, and running races, and making more effort to go places. i'm mostly packed now, a lot of my things are in my suitcase. my walls that were once full of quotes and pictures and tapestries are now bare (as bare as korean wallpaper can be). there isn't much left to fit into the small spaces that remain.
the next month: soon, i'll move home, just to move away again. this time to minnesota to start school again. for a while, i was worried about repatriation and reading every article i could get my hands on. i was worried about coming back changed and finding things hadn't (or had) changed as well. i was worried about not being able to relate, and people not trying to relate to me (or not being able to). i was worried that i'd be overwhelmed by it all. and i was, when i went home in june. i was eavesdropping on everyone, and i couldn't choose a tomato soup from the many, many options in meijer. i was overwhelmed by people understanding me, but not understanding my experiences. not knowing what i'd seen, or what i'd eaten. so i'm throwing myself into a new thing: public health school. in a new city, in a new state. i think it'll be good for me to not stop moving, because if i stop or slow down too much, i think i'll worry, and stress, and overthink things. the transition wouldn't be smooth.
moving to: the bike paths of mpls, the lakes around my apartment, the brewery down the street, the outdoor concerts, the fresh air, the hours of studying, finding nooks and crannies that feel comfortable, exploring something unknown again, to ride public transportation and commute on green paths, see old friends and make new. and welcome people into my new place.
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