uprooted

i called this blog "uprooted" because that's how i felt life was happening last year. but it sounds a lot more violent than it is and was. even dictionary.com defines it violently: "to pull out by the roots", "to remove violently or tear away from a native place or environment", "to destroy or eradicate as if pulling out roots." but the last definition is this: 

"to displace, as from a home or country; tearaway, as from customs or a way of life."  that's what this really was. i was displaced. i was moved. it was painful. i left my way of life behind and went to try someone elses. i was moving to a different country. over an ocean, a new continent. i was leaving behind everything and everyone i knew (give or take a few) to try something new, gain new perspective, see things from a different side, reevaluate. i wasn't running, i wasn't hiding, i was exploring, i was taking time for myself, to see, to hear, to feel, to dig. 

so i did it to myself, this uprooting, this upheaval of change and strangeness. it was a lot less violent than it sounds and felt like back then. it sounds like i ripped myself from my state of comfort, it sounds like i tore apart relationships in order to establish myself elsewhere, it sounds like i needed to start over. in reality, i just needed a big change. new roots. something to jump start my perspective and thinking. i needed to look at the bigger picture of my future. what would i miss? who would i miss? how would things change? how would i make my life different? where would and could i take myself? how far could i really get? how far could i push myself? how tall could i grow? how deep could i plunge my roots? what soil could i dig my hands into? where could i invest? 

and so i like to compare myself to a tree. it's one of my favorite metaphors, the tree. how it grows strong, and weathers change, and i like to think i'm like that. i weathered the change of uprooting from what i knew, i grew fledgling roots in this new place, i started new friendships, and learned how to go out on a limb and take greater risks. i learned about what i needed and what i could go without (and what i'm desperately craving now). i learned about freedom and feeling the wind in my hair. i learned about climbing high and long and far and wide. and this whole life is about being uprooted. this place is about it. i went to dig elsewhere. being uprooted is all about change. for the better (for me). and it really isn't all that violent. sometimes change just looks that way and maybe even feels it. but once you get through it, you realize it wasn't. and you're stronger for it.

breathe in, breathe out. and drink some water, too. your roots need that to grow.