new

i have nights where i sit at home and think about a lot of things. sometimes with my lamp on, sometimes petting cat, sometimes laying in the dark. and sometimes it stresses me out, and sometimes it inspires me, and sometimes it frustrates me. but most of the time, it just prevents me from being productive with things i actually need to be doing. right now, i should be studying for the gre or at least reading the library book i checked out on my kindle more than a month ago (oops, i turned my wifi off so they couldn't steal it from me, mom's probably in trouble with the midwest collaborative). but instead i'm thinking about how this week is so full of new. yesterday, i got my nose pierced. it was a twenty minute decision, i didn't think about it. i just wanted it, so i got it. and now i'm thinking about whether it was the best idea, but i like it and my kids don't notice that my nose has a little sparkle. and today was new because i wore a hanbok around the classroom for a while (luckily did not run into any students) and tonight, it's raining. making the ground new. and i'm looking at hiking trails around the globe. wishing i were there. but being thankful that i'm here and could afford to go there if i wanted. i'm thinking about future trips, and how i'm going to fit everything in. i'm trying to prioritize. it's not working. i'm just making a long list of everything i want to accomplish at some point in my life.

and surprisingly, it's not daunting or scary, it's awesome. it makes me excited. it makes me look forward to doing these things. with people or on my own. alone or surrounded. and then i start to think about being alone and being surrounded and how i'm surprisingly comfortable in both. how i've gotten used to both. and adjusted to both. and how i like both. a little of each. some of this and some of that. and even that makes me excited. because it means i've changed and grown and morphed and filled and emptied and everything is tying together and it's all tying back to God. and i love when things come full circle. or i make connections or i find patterns. i like when i can make some sense out of things that make no sense. like this blog post, does that make sense ? i should probably get back to house of mirth and the gre and eventually i'll get back to thinking. full c i r c l e