things lately

things that have happened in the last two weeks:

1. i played in my first volleyball game against another school. they get rather competitive. i had to wear my special gym clothes and i was assigned a position. the ladies and i won the first two games and bested the opposition. but the co-eds lost and according to korean custom, it's not who wins the most, but who wins last that is actually the winner. i beg to differ.

2. i had my first two ultimate frisbee games on sunday in daejeon with my team, the cheonan cheonwons. it was the first time playing together as a team, and most of us have never played before (we're also ranked the lowest in all of korea based on skill-level). we lost, both. the first one by a lot, the second by a little. in the second game, i almost caught a hail-mary touchdown? point? i don't know what to call it? but the frisbee came in at a weird angle and hit me instead. next time, next time. it was a learning experience, and i hope i can apply my new skills in our four games this weekend!

3. my parents went to a foreign country without telling me (who do i call in case of emergency?).

4. student funnies: i was teaching my fifth grade students about punctuation. they cannot remember the name of the "exclamation point" and instead call it the "escalator potato," i let it slide. and today, we were hearing a story about shakespeare, and i asked if anyone knew his whole name: a student tried to read the korean-ization of his name in their books and ended up with "alien shakespeare."

5. a favorite writer recently -

easter

He is Risen.

Easter: rebirth, renewal, resurrection - an opportunity to soften, to shed our skin, to blossom, and to grow.

1 Corinthians 15 - 12 But if it is preached that Christ has been raised from the dead, how can some of you say that there is no resurrection of the dead? 13 If there is no resurrection of the dead, then not even Christ has been raised. 14 And if Christ has not been raised, our preaching is useless and so is your faith. 15 More than that, we are then found to be false witnesses about God, for we have testified about God that he raised Christ from the dead. But he did not raise him if in fact the dead are not raised. 16 For if the dead are not raised, then Christ has not been raised either. 17 And if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile; you are still in your sins. 18 Then those also who have fallen asleep in Christ are lost. 19 If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are of all people most to be pitied.

my easter was peaceful and relaxed. i spent it alone, in the calm of my apartment. i watched march madness and andy stanley videos from past easters on the essential-ness of the resurrection with the faith, how we can't cherry-pick from the new testament when the storytellers are telling the whole story, and how the renewal of spring is the center of the testimony. 

it was lightly raining outside, the skies were grey, but calming. i lit incense and candles, i brewed lake michigan coffee in my french press, i finished books i had checked out from the library months ago. i did puzzles and listened to bethel, hillsong, and rend collective. i ate green olives and avocados (green for rebirth and new life). i sipped slowly and intentionally. i ate slowly and intentionally. i let my thoughts wander from light shining in darkness to flowers blooming outside on the trees. from how this wasn't my ideal easter sunday, but how maybe it was what my heart and soul needed. time alone, this rejuvenation and growth from within and with the Lord. from thoughts of the future months, to dwelling on the past. to recognizing the growth of the present moment. i've become quite content alone with myself and my whirling thoughts. 

i hope this is the only easter i spend this way. alone. with grey skies and rain falling. i hope my future easters are more like past easters: spent with friends and family, worshiping in community, eating in community, thriving in community. i hope we break bread together, laugh together, be together. but what i realized yesterday, is how i do alone pretty well. there are things i miss, things i moan to friends about, little nuances of loneliness. but when i curl up in bed with my lamp and candles burning. once i claw through the shroud of loneliness (and how society makes me feel bad about feeling lonely), i cling to the connections i do make in that time. 

He is Risen, indeed.

school volleyball

yesterday, i participated in the after school volleyball game that the teachers have every wednesday.

i was nervous because i hadn't played in a while, they would only speak korean, and they would expect something of me. but i decided it was a way to boost esprit de corps and gain respect among the other teachers. and it ended up being really fun despite my earlier worries. i wasn't as rusty as i remembered, and the principal gave me a high-five! we played for two hours in our gym over the cafeteria and by the end, i felt like i belonged just a little bit more. i carry my bruised and swollen arms with pride (the nurse also gave me some magical pas to help).

i have found that things that intimidated me or scared me or constrained me have been the most worthwhile. they have the most positive impact. they take the most effort to overcome, but they end up having the greatest effect on my attitude and on my perception of my time here. over the past year, things like traveling alone to japan, climbing fuji-san, and taking the gre seemed daunting until i put in the work and made the effort. and most recently, joining sports teams again like ultimate frisbee, school volleyball, and training for another half marathon were rather scary thoughts. but after those first few minutes of terror and confusion, i fell into a comfortable place again, a place i belonged, a place i could dig out space to fit in.

i have also found that God has been there with me all along. through the lonely travels, lonesome dreams, climbing mountains, taking exams, leaving my comfort zone, His presence has been a constant source of reassurance and confidence. my courage comes from Him.

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korea is blooming again. little miracles springing up every day. on magnolia trees outside my apartment, apple blossoms on the walk from the bus to school, and the dazzling red and fuschia flowers that will soon grace the bottom of the hill near my apartments.

welcome, spring, and all the uncertainty that comes with it. 

the best bus seat

i look for little things each day to brighten, to soften, to enliven, and to illuminate. 

friday: it was the perfect bus seat. i was taking the bus from school to pentaport to see the new cinderella movie solo (that in itself was a delight). i hopped on the 990 heading towards cheonan and behold, the ideal jackie seat was open. it was located between two windows that i could open to feel the breeze, next to the button to get off the bus, slightly raised, and on the right side. i'm not normally a picky person, i'm rather easy-going, but when i find something that works and works well - i latch on to it. it doesn't always work out, and i don't always get what i want: but friday, i was living the good life in the best breezy seat on the bus. 

~~ enjoying the ride and life along with it ~~

bob

there's a little boy named bob in one of my after school classes that i mentioned in a previous post. he is a constant source of joy in an overwhelming sea of korean children who want to hang on me instead of learning english (which i wouldn't mind, except that i'm being paid to teach english).

upon meeting, he informed me that he was a first grader and his name is bob. pronounced "bawb," not "bahb." i sound like i'm underwater or in slow-mo everytime i talk to him. "bawwwwwwwb."

the first day of after school, as i was leaving, he ran and gave me a hug.

thursday, he told me i was his american sister, and he was my korean brother.

and monday, while the children were doing an alphabet hunt packet, he told me he was finished. so we started at z and started counting all his letters. i found several instances where he had written in his own letters and circled them when he couldn't find them all. he grinned sheepishly every time i pointed to one and looked at him. we made it to 't'.

he makes me look forward to school, again.

revolving around food

this weekend was a pleasant one. a slow, steady, wandering one. it started late saturday, with a rush to catch the train after meeting the cutest puppy. it continued with bottomless chips and salsa, wearing green, dancing, walking through the streets. we bopped from friend to new friend to old friend, restaurant to bar to street side. until we ended the night on meg's floor.

sunday was sleepy and sunny and sweet. shelb and i woke up slowly and kindly and took our time getting to the subway. we brunched at butterfinger pancakes on garden omelettes, fruit gulps, and coffee in gangnam. we got lattes at a coffee shop in the back alleys of itaewon. we biked the han river and tried not to get run over near yeoido. we sipped green juices in noksapyeong while we waited for our grilled cheeses. we visited a small home shop and bought chili back in itaewon. then i raced to catch the 7:10 ktx back home. then the subway. then a taxi. (i love when i can get home in almost an hour, bullet trains are aaaamazing and subways that line up well are even better).

it was not an organized day, but it was not a chaotic day either. we ended up taking the brown line four different times. back and forth. around and about. it was a splendid day in lovely company. sundays are supposed to be savored, not devoured. absorbed slowly before the busy-ness of the week begins again. the calm before the storm. the last deep breath before diving in to another monday.

i will hold on to this sunday tightly.

new

a rough beginning:

my birthday was tuesday and with it, slipped in: a new spin around the sun, a new school year, new co-teachers, new students, new after school classes. a lot of "new" and it seemed to slip right through the cracks. i didn't have much expectation for my birthday this year. while i love birthdays, and last year i was so celebrated with surprise parties, i don't love birthdays abroad. i don't love being home alone at the end of the night. i don't love being surrounded by strangers. i don't love being hours ahead (even though it does give me a 38 hour birth-day). and my birthday this year was a lot of those things.

it was a tuesday. a tuesday at school with new co-teachers. there was no cake, no well wishes, no cards. mrs. kim and semi and julie and byungtak took me out for dinner. and i watched the bachelor with a who outdid herself with a beehive honey cake. and i ended the night alone in my little cave apartment waiting for america to wake up.

the week didn't get much better. my new co-teachers are a motley crew and made me realize (as if i haven't already) how lucky, lucky, lucky i was to have all the other co-ts i did. we have: 1 - third grade with harriet. she's kind and sometimes she smiles and sometimes she even laughs. but she doesn't tell us anything about what is happening in the school, and she doesn't deviate much from the book (and the book is so. boring.) 2 - fresh girl. she graduated in december and has never taught before. anything, much less english. and i'm teaching fifth grade with her. so far, she hasn't listened to anything i've suggested and gives me the "easier" portion of the lesson even though i'm the native speaker. it's going to be an uphill battle, but she did ask me what i'm doing this weekend. (also: i'm older than her, which adds a weird twist into the korean hierarchy aspect of things). and 3 - middle school boy. (story: for the first semester we overlapped at school, i thought he was a middle school student that never went to school and hung out around the elementary kids...). i teach one third grade class with him on fridays. this friday, he asked me what i wanted to do and said that i was the professional and that i was good at finding and playing games. so i taught the entire class.

i have four new after school classes this semester on thursday and friday afternoons for overtime. it's a challenge. 25 first and second graders who know the alphabet and not much else. but i have the first week under my belt, and after a few hiccups, i think we'll get along quite nicely.

enough with my complaining. in my mission to journal more, i've found that it's effective for me to get out my angst and complaints onto paper so they're no longer jarred up inside of me. then i get on to the things that were peaceful and kind and good. i'm a little sorry that i did this on the blog as well as in my journal this week, but i felt it was important to write about the first week back at school and writing it twice must be doubly effective, right?

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good things:

--the many wishes and messages i got from friends and family back home. i'm so excited to be stateside for my next birthday and to be surrounded with people i love and enjoy, that's all i ask.

--extra money each week from the new classes, finally figuring out taxes so i can eventually be reimbursed for the last 16 months.

--finding someone who also watches the bachelor so we can dish about it during and after, it adds a certain sweetness to the week.

--having four schools to choose from for graduate school in september (although it's proving a challenge as well).

--darling little first and second graders who want to know everything about me and are eager to learn the alphabet (both the big AND the small letters). spending time with them as they furiously hunt for letters and match the big with the small. little bobs, and tahyuns, and other children who are more faces than names right now. little boys who were terrified of me the first day, and tackling me the next (he also wouldn't speak the first day, and was rattling off random letters the second). even though it's going to be a lot of work planning for these classes and teaching them myself, i love how i feel when i leave. i feel accomplished and needed. something i'm not feeling in my other classes at the moment.

--saturdays in the sun. spending time climbing to the sinchang fortress and sitting on the stone walls looking over the village. walking through campus for a latte. and napping on the roof of my building cocooned in my comforter and listening to criminal podcasts for the afternoon.

so i look forward: to warmer weather and blue skies, visits with semi and mrs. kim, afternoons of sunshine and bus rides home and runs with staci, lattes in the morning, hillsong concerts in april.

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a nugget of gold: little bob (he informed me it is pronounced "bohb" not "bawb") rushed to give me a hug before i left on friday. he made me feel special and i'm glad at least one of the rascals likes english.

*to weeks of positive attitudes and outlooks and good things to come. that was the point of this blog.
*welcome 24, i'm excited to see what another spin around the sun will bring.