school volleyball

yesterday, i participated in the after school volleyball game that the teachers have every wednesday.

i was nervous because i hadn't played in a while, they would only speak korean, and they would expect something of me. but i decided it was a way to boost esprit de corps and gain respect among the other teachers. and it ended up being really fun despite my earlier worries. i wasn't as rusty as i remembered, and the principal gave me a high-five! we played for two hours in our gym over the cafeteria and by the end, i felt like i belonged just a little bit more. i carry my bruised and swollen arms with pride (the nurse also gave me some magical pas to help).

i have found that things that intimidated me or scared me or constrained me have been the most worthwhile. they have the most positive impact. they take the most effort to overcome, but they end up having the greatest effect on my attitude and on my perception of my time here. over the past year, things like traveling alone to japan, climbing fuji-san, and taking the gre seemed daunting until i put in the work and made the effort. and most recently, joining sports teams again like ultimate frisbee, school volleyball, and training for another half marathon were rather scary thoughts. but after those first few minutes of terror and confusion, i fell into a comfortable place again, a place i belonged, a place i could dig out space to fit in.

i have also found that God has been there with me all along. through the lonely travels, lonesome dreams, climbing mountains, taking exams, leaving my comfort zone, His presence has been a constant source of reassurance and confidence. my courage comes from Him.

---

korea is blooming again. little miracles springing up every day. on magnolia trees outside my apartment, apple blossoms on the walk from the bus to school, and the dazzling red and fuschia flowers that will soon grace the bottom of the hill near my apartments.

welcome, spring, and all the uncertainty that comes with it. 

the best bus seat

i look for little things each day to brighten, to soften, to enliven, and to illuminate. 

friday: it was the perfect bus seat. i was taking the bus from school to pentaport to see the new cinderella movie solo (that in itself was a delight). i hopped on the 990 heading towards cheonan and behold, the ideal jackie seat was open. it was located between two windows that i could open to feel the breeze, next to the button to get off the bus, slightly raised, and on the right side. i'm not normally a picky person, i'm rather easy-going, but when i find something that works and works well - i latch on to it. it doesn't always work out, and i don't always get what i want: but friday, i was living the good life in the best breezy seat on the bus. 

~~ enjoying the ride and life along with it ~~

bob

there's a little boy named bob in one of my after school classes that i mentioned in a previous post. he is a constant source of joy in an overwhelming sea of korean children who want to hang on me instead of learning english (which i wouldn't mind, except that i'm being paid to teach english).

upon meeting, he informed me that he was a first grader and his name is bob. pronounced "bawb," not "bahb." i sound like i'm underwater or in slow-mo everytime i talk to him. "bawwwwwwwb."

the first day of after school, as i was leaving, he ran and gave me a hug.

thursday, he told me i was his american sister, and he was my korean brother.

and monday, while the children were doing an alphabet hunt packet, he told me he was finished. so we started at z and started counting all his letters. i found several instances where he had written in his own letters and circled them when he couldn't find them all. he grinned sheepishly every time i pointed to one and looked at him. we made it to 't'.

he makes me look forward to school, again.

revolving around food

this weekend was a pleasant one. a slow, steady, wandering one. it started late saturday, with a rush to catch the train after meeting the cutest puppy. it continued with bottomless chips and salsa, wearing green, dancing, walking through the streets. we bopped from friend to new friend to old friend, restaurant to bar to street side. until we ended the night on meg's floor.

sunday was sleepy and sunny and sweet. shelb and i woke up slowly and kindly and took our time getting to the subway. we brunched at butterfinger pancakes on garden omelettes, fruit gulps, and coffee in gangnam. we got lattes at a coffee shop in the back alleys of itaewon. we biked the han river and tried not to get run over near yeoido. we sipped green juices in noksapyeong while we waited for our grilled cheeses. we visited a small home shop and bought chili back in itaewon. then i raced to catch the 7:10 ktx back home. then the subway. then a taxi. (i love when i can get home in almost an hour, bullet trains are aaaamazing and subways that line up well are even better).

it was not an organized day, but it was not a chaotic day either. we ended up taking the brown line four different times. back and forth. around and about. it was a splendid day in lovely company. sundays are supposed to be savored, not devoured. absorbed slowly before the busy-ness of the week begins again. the calm before the storm. the last deep breath before diving in to another monday.

i will hold on to this sunday tightly.

new

a rough beginning:

my birthday was tuesday and with it, slipped in: a new spin around the sun, a new school year, new co-teachers, new students, new after school classes. a lot of "new" and it seemed to slip right through the cracks. i didn't have much expectation for my birthday this year. while i love birthdays, and last year i was so celebrated with surprise parties, i don't love birthdays abroad. i don't love being home alone at the end of the night. i don't love being surrounded by strangers. i don't love being hours ahead (even though it does give me a 38 hour birth-day). and my birthday this year was a lot of those things.

it was a tuesday. a tuesday at school with new co-teachers. there was no cake, no well wishes, no cards. mrs. kim and semi and julie and byungtak took me out for dinner. and i watched the bachelor with a who outdid herself with a beehive honey cake. and i ended the night alone in my little cave apartment waiting for america to wake up.

the week didn't get much better. my new co-teachers are a motley crew and made me realize (as if i haven't already) how lucky, lucky, lucky i was to have all the other co-ts i did. we have: 1 - third grade with harriet. she's kind and sometimes she smiles and sometimes she even laughs. but she doesn't tell us anything about what is happening in the school, and she doesn't deviate much from the book (and the book is so. boring.) 2 - fresh girl. she graduated in december and has never taught before. anything, much less english. and i'm teaching fifth grade with her. so far, she hasn't listened to anything i've suggested and gives me the "easier" portion of the lesson even though i'm the native speaker. it's going to be an uphill battle, but she did ask me what i'm doing this weekend. (also: i'm older than her, which adds a weird twist into the korean hierarchy aspect of things). and 3 - middle school boy. (story: for the first semester we overlapped at school, i thought he was a middle school student that never went to school and hung out around the elementary kids...). i teach one third grade class with him on fridays. this friday, he asked me what i wanted to do and said that i was the professional and that i was good at finding and playing games. so i taught the entire class.

i have four new after school classes this semester on thursday and friday afternoons for overtime. it's a challenge. 25 first and second graders who know the alphabet and not much else. but i have the first week under my belt, and after a few hiccups, i think we'll get along quite nicely.

enough with my complaining. in my mission to journal more, i've found that it's effective for me to get out my angst and complaints onto paper so they're no longer jarred up inside of me. then i get on to the things that were peaceful and kind and good. i'm a little sorry that i did this on the blog as well as in my journal this week, but i felt it was important to write about the first week back at school and writing it twice must be doubly effective, right?

---

good things:

--the many wishes and messages i got from friends and family back home. i'm so excited to be stateside for my next birthday and to be surrounded with people i love and enjoy, that's all i ask.

--extra money each week from the new classes, finally figuring out taxes so i can eventually be reimbursed for the last 16 months.

--finding someone who also watches the bachelor so we can dish about it during and after, it adds a certain sweetness to the week.

--having four schools to choose from for graduate school in september (although it's proving a challenge as well).

--darling little first and second graders who want to know everything about me and are eager to learn the alphabet (both the big AND the small letters). spending time with them as they furiously hunt for letters and match the big with the small. little bobs, and tahyuns, and other children who are more faces than names right now. little boys who were terrified of me the first day, and tackling me the next (he also wouldn't speak the first day, and was rattling off random letters the second). even though it's going to be a lot of work planning for these classes and teaching them myself, i love how i feel when i leave. i feel accomplished and needed. something i'm not feeling in my other classes at the moment.

--saturdays in the sun. spending time climbing to the sinchang fortress and sitting on the stone walls looking over the village. walking through campus for a latte. and napping on the roof of my building cocooned in my comforter and listening to criminal podcasts for the afternoon.

so i look forward: to warmer weather and blue skies, visits with semi and mrs. kim, afternoons of sunshine and bus rides home and runs with staci, lattes in the morning, hillsong concerts in april.

---

a nugget of gold: little bob (he informed me it is pronounced "bohb" not "bawb") rushed to give me a hug before i left on friday. he made me feel special and i'm glad at least one of the rascals likes english.

*to weeks of positive attitudes and outlooks and good things to come. that was the point of this blog.
*welcome 24, i'm excited to see what another spin around the sun will bring.

blissful bali

last week was lunar new years and most of asia goes on vacation, all at the same time. back in september, lindsey suggested going to bali, so we'd been planning this magical week for a while. the trip began with a ktx ride to the airport, a flight to kuala lumpur, hours wandering the airport through the rainforest and starbucks, until my final flight to bali.

i landed around 6am and was picked up by the driver from my villa. he dropped me off and i crashed in the darkness of the teakwood house. that afternoon i spent on the porch, reading, wandering the grounds, resting. that evening i ordered food from a local restaurant to be delivered, i had to repeat the address so many times because i couldn't pronounce the words correctly, but eventually the food arrived. that night, i slept early.

tuesday, i took gloria, the scooter, out for a spin to the local grocery and through some rice paddies. i had the roads to myself and i took the opportunity to drive on the left and explore some on my own.

i took a nap that evening before being picked up around 2am for a sunrise hike on mt. batur about a two hour drive away to the north east. the hike up was climbing over slippery rocks with flashlights and ten-year-old local guide. we reached the crater just before first light and found good seats for the glorious colors we were about to witness. the guides made us a breakfast of coffee, banana sandwiches, and eggs over the volcanic steam. monkeys came down the crater in herds to take part and to steal what food they could. the volcano was wonderfully green (as was all of bali) and was last active in 2000.

after the hike, we were driven back to the south of the island where i was dropped off at bali buda and waited for lindsey and her driver to pick me up from their place in the mountains to our next spot on the beach. we drove a couple of hours to south kuta, a peninsula along the bottom of bali. finding our beach hut on bingin beach was tricky. we drove back and forth and had to ask many locals for directions. eventually we found a grouping of family huts, and a path, and some steep steps that led down to the beach where we eventually we found our hut and h napping in the bed. some kiwi friends of l's joined us for two nights before jetting off on the rest of their adventure. shelby arrived that night.

thursday, our first full day as a group, we rented motorbikes and scooted off to uluwatu. a temple and some beautiful cliffs. cliffs are one of my favorite of earth's landscapes (along with mountains and forests), and these were some of the most glorious cliffs i've ever seen. we wandered among some cows and hung our feet over the edge. the temple is overrun with monkeys who will steal sunglasses and hats in return for food and treats. 

that afternoon, we biked to a beach close by at low tide. it was full of pools of warm water and we floated from each one to the next. it was a relaxing afternoon among rock formations that were tall and mighty. (we later returned during the morning while it was high tide and the waves crashed among the rocks in a magnificent way).

the last days of our trip were spent scootering, getting pulled over by corrupt indonesian police, pretending to be mermaids, watching surfers, eating beachside barbecue, going to the cashew tree for smoothies as frequently as we could, swimming in giant waves, collecting treasures, climbing cliff stairs, adventuring in a calm, blissful, perfect way. 

this trip was peaceful and good to me. being close to (and in) the beach, collecting precious things, being reminded of lake michigan, driving again (even if it was on a scooter), being with friends from high school, filling in the empty spaces and enjoying our time together, waking up early, feeling normal again. 

as a "last trip" out of my home base in korea, i couldn't have asked for a better adventure or friends to adventure with. the next time i get on a plane, i'll be headed back to the states and to the greatest state in the union. there is something so sweet in that. i'm excited for the months ahead, and the months afterwards. 

bali was blissful and magical and gloriously green. everything i needed. 

on leaving and being left

it's that time of year again, and by now you would think i'd be used to it:

l e a v i n g and b e i n g l e f t

this season of transition, change, uprooting even in slightly less drastic ways. you think i'd be used to: being on the move, never feeling quite at home, waiting for something else to change, never feeling stable or sure or comfortable. you think i'd be used to: people leaving. saying goodbye. wishing them well. and one last hug.

i won't miss this part - the part where people always leave and you learn you can't depend on someone because soon, they'll be gone, and you'll be gone, too. it always surprises me. this time sneaks up. when i find myself growing closer, but still keep an arms length between them because i know that soon, one of us will go. soon, someone will be left behind. soon, it won't be the same. and it's easier to use an arm, a pole, five subway stops to separate and keep space. your friends. them. but still, over home-cooked meals, board games, and sharing: you grow closer anyways. and the five stops become less of a journey and you find friends. make friends. become a friend. so it's in this time that i grow nostalgic because those people became my friends, and my friends are going. again. they'll go back and start something new. a new job, a new school, in a new place, with new people. and i'll be here. waiting for it to be my turn to leave and leave behind. to move on. get going. feel the transition again for myself.

i hate that feeling. being left behind. the weather is cold and life is a little less full. i fill it now: with the memories of those nights with them, sunshine, and warm cups of lake michigan coffee.