uprooted

i called this blog "uprooted" because that's how i felt life was happening last year. but it sounds a lot more violent than it is and was. even dictionary.com defines it violently: "to pull out by the roots", "to remove violently or tear away from a native place or environment", "to destroy or eradicate as if pulling out roots." but the last definition is this: 

"to displace, as from a home or country; tearaway, as from customs or a way of life."  that's what this really was. i was displaced. i was moved. it was painful. i left my way of life behind and went to try someone elses. i was moving to a different country. over an ocean, a new continent. i was leaving behind everything and everyone i knew (give or take a few) to try something new, gain new perspective, see things from a different side, reevaluate. i wasn't running, i wasn't hiding, i was exploring, i was taking time for myself, to see, to hear, to feel, to dig. 

so i did it to myself, this uprooting, this upheaval of change and strangeness. it was a lot less violent than it sounds and felt like back then. it sounds like i ripped myself from my state of comfort, it sounds like i tore apart relationships in order to establish myself elsewhere, it sounds like i needed to start over. in reality, i just needed a big change. new roots. something to jump start my perspective and thinking. i needed to look at the bigger picture of my future. what would i miss? who would i miss? how would things change? how would i make my life different? where would and could i take myself? how far could i really get? how far could i push myself? how tall could i grow? how deep could i plunge my roots? what soil could i dig my hands into? where could i invest? 

and so i like to compare myself to a tree. it's one of my favorite metaphors, the tree. how it grows strong, and weathers change, and i like to think i'm like that. i weathered the change of uprooting from what i knew, i grew fledgling roots in this new place, i started new friendships, and learned how to go out on a limb and take greater risks. i learned about what i needed and what i could go without (and what i'm desperately craving now). i learned about freedom and feeling the wind in my hair. i learned about climbing high and long and far and wide. and this whole life is about being uprooted. this place is about it. i went to dig elsewhere. being uprooted is all about change. for the better (for me). and it really isn't all that violent. sometimes change just looks that way and maybe even feels it. but once you get through it, you realize it wasn't. and you're stronger for it.

breathe in, breathe out. and drink some water, too. your roots need that to grow.

new

i have nights where i sit at home and think about a lot of things. sometimes with my lamp on, sometimes petting cat, sometimes laying in the dark. and sometimes it stresses me out, and sometimes it inspires me, and sometimes it frustrates me. but most of the time, it just prevents me from being productive with things i actually need to be doing. right now, i should be studying for the gre or at least reading the library book i checked out on my kindle more than a month ago (oops, i turned my wifi off so they couldn't steal it from me, mom's probably in trouble with the midwest collaborative). but instead i'm thinking about how this week is so full of new. yesterday, i got my nose pierced. it was a twenty minute decision, i didn't think about it. i just wanted it, so i got it. and now i'm thinking about whether it was the best idea, but i like it and my kids don't notice that my nose has a little sparkle. and today was new because i wore a hanbok around the classroom for a while (luckily did not run into any students) and tonight, it's raining. making the ground new. and i'm looking at hiking trails around the globe. wishing i were there. but being thankful that i'm here and could afford to go there if i wanted. i'm thinking about future trips, and how i'm going to fit everything in. i'm trying to prioritize. it's not working. i'm just making a long list of everything i want to accomplish at some point in my life.

and surprisingly, it's not daunting or scary, it's awesome. it makes me excited. it makes me look forward to doing these things. with people or on my own. alone or surrounded. and then i start to think about being alone and being surrounded and how i'm surprisingly comfortable in both. how i've gotten used to both. and adjusted to both. and how i like both. a little of each. some of this and some of that. and even that makes me excited. because it means i've changed and grown and morphed and filled and emptied and everything is tying together and it's all tying back to God. and i love when things come full circle. or i make connections or i find patterns. i like when i can make some sense out of things that make no sense. like this blog post, does that make sense ? i should probably get back to house of mirth and the gre and eventually i'll get back to thinking. full c i r c l e

first week back

the first week of second semester is over, and back home people are starting school again. they have a new year, i'm still in the old year. school used to spark fall, set the leaf-changing in motion, it meant that football weekends and pumpkin spice lattes and flannel were right around the corner. this year, school hasn't really ended yet. i had a few weeks of vacation and respite, but we're back at it again and it's still hot and humid and fall seems terribly far away. and i'm stuck where i was before. doesn't september mean transition and transformation and shifting physically and mentally into autumn ? 

the first week is over. i realized how much i missed my kids (who am i), but being in the classroom was a sweet routine that i'm surprisingly happy to be back to. my after school hours were filled with trips to immigration, the bank, and orientation to renew my alien registration card (i'm an alien) and paying bills and starting the new season. monday, we took the bus to cheonan to get froyo and subway and buy a bilingual globe - my one year anniversary present to myself. tuesday, i went to the bank to re-register for internet banking because i lost my password the first time, oops. i registerd for the gre in november. and i bought tickets to taiwan for new years. wednesday, we spent time at immigration filling out forms and proving i live in my apartment (which was surprisingly difficult because my name isn't on any of my bills?). thursday, we were oriented. and friday, we celebrated the week with mexican in songtan. i've been craving chips and salsa and margaritas for months. 

this weekend, v and i went up to seoul to celebrate m's birthday ! it was fun celebrating m with people we didn't know but had her in common. i like celebrating people. making them feel loved and wanted. so we spent the day and evening and next morning running around seoul doing things the birthday girl wanted to do. and early early early in the morning we crashed on her floor on a pile of blankets and slept in until sunlight was streaming in. the three of us are all in such different places, lived and living different lives, but i like finding small things we have in common. and we get along splendidly. time spent with them is always spent well. 

today, i just got mail from hope. the june 2014 news. all the way in korea. eeeeeeeeeeeee i'm not sure how to feel about that. also, it's september. and i don't know how to feel about that either. my half birthday is on wednesday !

so here's to the next week and the weeks to come: saying goodbyes, getting used to being even more alone, buying plane tickets, planning weekends, having friends come and go, exploring still, having time to rest, having time to study, and having time to run and bike (with my new old bike!) and see new national parks. chuseok and random long weekends and holiday days sporadically in the week and throughout the next few months. there are less than enjoyable things: close friends leaving, this heat, seeing life back home move on. but there are so many things to look forward to: my happy kids, hiking weekends, nim, pals moving to korea, michigan football, leaves changing, wearing layers without sweating, the change. 

here i am , looking forward and planning ahead. 

trying not to look back much, not dwelling. 

enjoying, savoring, taking it all in. 

the little things. 

i'm finding God in different places. places i didn't expect him, and finding him there is always refreshing . him. in corners and open spaces and on top of mountains and even on the bus. in quiet time, and alone time, and time i'm finding i have a lot of, the space, the emptiness, even in the filling. i'm finding him. welcome, september, i'm happy to have you.

arigato, j a p a n

at my twenty-third birthday party, i was asked what was one thing i wanted to do in this upcoming year of life that i'd never done before. after thinking about it, i decided i wanted to travel alone. i'd heard good things about it, i'd heard bad things about it, i'd heard growing things about it. i wanted to see for myself. what there really was about it. 

and now i've done it. japan was the first solo adventure i've had, i didn't know anyone where i was going, i didn't have a set agenda. i had flights. i had reservations. but everything was flexible. as the day grew closer, it was the day i was leaving, and my family was leaving, and it was an emotionally rough day. i was exhausted. i was stretched.  i had been emptied of both energy and effort and want. i didn't feel ready, i didn't want to go. i wanted to curl up in my bed and just feel the emptiness. but japan was surprisingly filling and welcoming and good. 

i landed in osaka kansai airport. i'd heard my fair share of horror stories of the subway and train systems, so going in with awful expectations, it was surprisingly easy. the info desk was helpful and they gave me loads of maps that i used excessively. i took a train directly to namba station and began walking the streets, taking in japan, looking for my capsule hotel, stunned by the bright lights, the amount of humans, the number of bikes flying up and down the sidewalks. i found and checked into my hotel, and found my cocoon for the night. i put my things in my locker. tested the bed. arranged things. then started looking for people who seemed as alone and lonely as i felt. i found a girl who seemed so. she was french and willing to take to the streets with me in search of food. our ages were the same, our lives were completely different, we were both teachers, in japan. we found food. yakisoba and okonomiyaki, staples of japan, delicious staples. so the first night was surprisingly good. i was giddy. i'd made a friend, i'd made it to my hotel, i'd made it. 

the next day, alone again. left to wander. with my backpack. still nervous about the trains, so i decided to walk all the way from namba station to osaka castle. it was far. it took me an hour and a half of sweating and map-reading. but it was beautiful. and different. and worth the 7km round trip walk. i went inside to the 8th floor and got a 360deg view of osaka. there were foreign families and japanese families. and groups of friends. and i pretended to be apart of them. pretended they were my family and my friends. is this a normal symptom of traveling alone? does this happen a lot? am i creepy? 

that night, i was couch-surfing with a korean girl who lives in osaka. i met with her and her friends along the dotonbori and they took me to a korean restaurant for dinner (in japan, eating korean). there were two japanese girls, a korean, a spaniard, and two americans. and not a common language amongst us. and it was such fun. they would translate for me. they would translate into japanese for them. i tried to use my little korean and my little spanish. there were misunderstandings, there was laughter, there was a common friendship made. and we continued to chocolatey desserts because we didn't want the night to end. but it eventually had to, and jihee took me to her tiny apartment in another part of town. my bed took the only floor space she had. but it was cozy, and it was so nice to shower. and she was so welcoming. 

the next morning, early, i took a train to kyoto. i had a bike tour (that ended up being private) and exploring kyoto via bike was the best way to see it. we biked to a shrine, a zen temple, another temple, and the philosophers path. to the imperial palace of old, through the streets, up hills, around lots and lots of people. no accidents. i forgot how much i like cruising on a bike. and kyoto is my favorite city in japan. the small streets. the old architecture. the winding pathways. the attitude. the colors. the smells. everything. i wish i'd had longer there.

took a spontaneous trip to nara that afternoon to see the deer. they were great sports, taking selfies with me. herds of deer and herds of people. sunny days.

back to kyoto before my overnight bus to tokyo. ordered ramen from a vending machine. you punch in the kind of ramen you want and any sides, pay, the waitress gives you a ticket and shows you to a seat and they deliver ramen minutes later. for vending machine ramen, it was mighty delicious. 

got to tokyo around 6am. only mcdonald's and starbucks were open, with plugs in the former and wifi in the latter. spent my morning alternating between them. took the subway to tokyo station and found a sky bus tour around the downtown. stumbled to shinjuku station and got lost. met up with stefan in starbucks. found chris somewhere between starbucks and crossing the street. found tatiana at mcdonalds. picked up seoul hiking group hikers randomly throughout the area. we were all lost. luckily we found each other. left at 8:30pm and arrived at fujisan at 11pm. donned headlamps and O2 buddies and started hiking at 11:30pm from the 5th station. the beginning of the hike was beautiful. clear, crisp skies. bright and shooting stars. clouds and city below. at 2am (and the 7th or 8th station) it started getting windier, rain began. soon it was pouring and we were adding layers and rain jackets. hats and gloves. ponchos. we kept going. through the wind and rain, through the soggy exterior and soaking socks. we trudged on. 4am we had 1.8km to go. 4:40am, 800m. the last 200m were the worst. the altitude, the weather, it got steeper, my headlamp started flickering and dying, i kept tripping over rocks. the sky began lightening. 5am i passed through the last gate and made it to the cloudy, windy top. entered the first building i saw to try to get warm. others joined me. we moved to the next building to get hot ramen and warm milk and hot coals. we were shivering, turning blue, soaked to the bone, at the top of mt. fuji. after an hour, the sun started peaking through, the clouds shifted. the sky became a work of art. and it was worth the five and half hours of climbing through wind and rain and altitude. the views on the way down were glorious. the clouds, spectacular. i'm glad we climbed in the dark, because seeing what we'd accomplished in the daylight was horrifying. we'd climbed up the side of the mountain, and now could see all the way down to the tree-line far far below. we conquered the mountain.

back in tokyo that night. we celebrated our climb with conveyor belt sushi where you pay by the plate. we drank guinness at an irish pub. and we slept long and hard. 

the next day, the last day, the day i flew back. stephanie and i took the subway to shibuya, one of the busiest crossings in tokyo. we posted up in the starbucks and watched the people below flock to and fro. it was a quiet sunday morning. 

from the airplane, we could see fuji-san and it was even more impressive from the sky. i was at the top of that! special thanks to the little girl sitting by the window that took this fantastic picture for me. arigato, japan. thank you, japan. 

 i survived it. the alone-ness. the wandering. the subway system. the overnight bus. and it was good. i gained courage. i gained confidence. i gained friends. i was filled again, after being emptied. i understand why people enjoy traveling alone, there was a lot of freedom in it. but i also understand why people don't enjoy it, you have to be content with being alone, exploring alone, always being alone. you do make friends, you are surrounded. but you're still alone. and there's a lot of pressure in being alone. but i think the freedom out-weighs the loneliness. i could do anything i wanted. 

the logans have landed

august was both growing and stretching, filling and emptying: parents and brother coming to visit, seeing parts of korea i haven't seen yet. 

let me begin with the adventures of having the logan clan join me in this place i'm calling home for another year. i was terrified at first. worrying about catching public transportation that had become second nature and feeding the family (because i order from pictures most of the time) and having cab drivers cooperate with me. well, we made it.  

picked them up from the airport on a wednesday. dropped them off at their hotel near city hall. went back home again because it was in the middle of camp week. while gone, they visited palaces and set foot in north korea. friday night, went up to stay. in seoul for two days: ate mandu, visited namsan tower, ate bimimbap, went to a baseball game (go nexen!), took the subway, caught a bus, and ate scones at starbucks. 

with a three hour bus-ride on a rainy sunday afternoon to the rocky east coast town of sokcho. close to seoraksan national park.  it was foggy, it was dreary, but we filled our bellies with all you can eat barbecue and laughed while the bossy adjummas kept yelling and "helping" us. ventured to seoraksan park to see and seek and find. we climbed to ulsanbawi. the view was white and the stairs were numerous. afterwards, with our extra energy we hiked to waterfalls, bridges running back and forth across a canyon. slippery stairs. suspension bridges.

after another bus ride and another day in seoul, we took the bullet train to busan, on the south coast of korea. buddhist temple, cooling our toes in a rushing stream and rocky garden, fortress walls, three beds squeezed into our small hotel room making a family sleepover, beachy walks, and the cutest little pub where we ate bulgogi pizza. 

flew to jeju. for the waterfalls and for hallasan. for seaside walks. for the bridges. and the adventure. for the hiking, for the island, for the wonder. for the lights, and the nature, for the volcano. the meals here were fabulous, the views were delightful, the art galleries reminded me of michigan with sea glass and drift wood all strung together with fishing line. things i would do back home. being touristy, the wind blowing. walking everywhere. hiking hallasan, still couldn't see anything. up and down quickly to save mom from waiting. following maps. jeju-do.

                                      

home to sinchang. meeting nim. my dark hallway. my small apartment. full of people and full of things. nester. not enough seating or rooms for them all. laughter. rain. eating at mother of pearl. sending them off in a taxi. cat cafes and chicken galbi fried rice. taking them to funky cafes for after dinner drinks. visiting school. sharing my life here with them.

 sharing with them was everything. showing them my nooks and crannies. welcoming them to my nest and my out-of-the-way town. exploring roads i hadn't been town, to cities i hadn't seen. making new memories of old places. finding treasures in sk. so grateful for the effort of coming here. seeing me. squeezing time out of this week and a half. having them here was everything. having them here filled me so. i was proud to show them. having them leave, saying goodbye, left me empty. thinking about the next year was hard. impossible. a whole year. alone again. and i remember the fullness of them being here.

 xx

celebrating mud

this weekend was a celebration. a celebration of mud. in the dirtiest way possible. there was mud fondue. streams of mud. slides of mud. mud wrestling. mud dancing. mud prisons. mud. and all the human beings that showed up. turned into swamp monsters. 

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viv and i got on a bus and headed down to boryeong and daecheon beach on the west coast of korea for one of the messiest days of our summer. it was foggy. it was a tad chilly. but we were ready to get muddy.

to the left is the stage and to the right is the yellow sea  

foggy yellow sea, vampire still hiding from the sun 

 looking south

little darlings  

apparently this man is a legend and his name is kim chung hoon . he sings

 foggy fireworks

painted the whole night sky 

the next morning, freedom formation 

 they were pretty darn cool 

sunning the next day 

while vampire lifeguards were covered head to toe 

muddy jackie and muddy viv 

my mudding pals, viv and jodi, now clean

the weekend was fantastic. full of muddy people. people you couldn't recognize. people who were just people because you couldn't tell if they were male, female, asian, or foreign. people covered in mud. people playing. people dancing. people having fun. people being people. 

i always do love being a swamp monster

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